<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Cranberry Christmas by DuchessKitty16</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27831469">A Cranberry Christmas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuchessKitty16/pseuds/DuchessKitty16'>DuchessKitty16</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Advent Fic, American Larry, Christmas Fluff, Cranberry bogs, Farmer Louis, Getting Back Together, Harry used to be a baker, Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies, M/M, marriage separation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:47:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,568</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27831469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuchessKitty16/pseuds/DuchessKitty16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis are married co-owners of the home goods store Cranberry Lane. But after being in a partnership for over 15 years and a marriage for 10, stress and differing priorities have pulled the couple apart and into a separation.<br/>Only their immediate families know about their separation, but when their Cape Cod small town puts them both in charge of the annual Christmas celebration, and a famous tv personality decides to devote an entire week of her show to the couple and their business, Harry and Louis have to put their differences aside and pretend to still be happily married. Will their pretending change things and give them a merry Christmas after all?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prelude - Harry Thanksgiving Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks so much for joining me on this 2020 Advent adventure. I truly am committing to posting a new chapter each day through December 25, 2020. Fingers crossed!<br/>Thanks for reading. xoxo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry woke up face down on his couch, a drool patch on the sleeve of his silk blouse where his face had smooshed into the crook of his arm. He blearily sat up and looked down at his watch, surprised to find that it wasn’t even 10pm yet. The television in front of him had gone into sleep mode and he shut it completely off instead of bringing Netflix back up to finish the holiday rom-com he’d started earlier in the evening.<br/>
Harry had a very important day tomorrow and he knew he should just get in his real bed and get a good night’s rest, but he also knew that if he didn’t put his dinner leftovers away or take care of the dirty dishes in the sink, he would regret it in the morning. He slowly stood and pressed the heels of his hands into his hips and lower back. Harry winced in pain and almost felt like crying; he missed his husband’s back rubs. Louis wouldn’t have let him fall asleep on the couch in an awkward position; Louis would’ve drawn him a hot lavender Epsom salt bath and then would’ve lovingly massaged Harry’s favorite cbd muscle salve into his back, paying special attention to his psoas and gluteus muscles that seemed to always be so tight and sore.<br/>
He missed his husband. He missed his Louis. They had always been a pair – Harry &amp; Louis – from their early childhood friendship through their tumultuous us-against-the-world teen years and finally after college when they’d finally realized that there was no other person for them. They were each other’s lobster as Phoebe from their favorite show Friends would’ve said. Harry couldn’t believe that they’d let it all fall apart. No, he had to be honest with himself; HE was the one at fault, not Louis. They’d somehow stopped communicating; it had stopped being them-against-the-world. Harry’s hands were itching to pick up his phone and call Louis but he ignored that impulse and walked to his kitchen.<br/> <br/>
Harry felt himself falling into a pathetic self-pity spiral as he put away the leftovers from the small Thanksgiving meal he’d arranged for himself. He had ordered a Cornish game hen and buttery vegetable sides from the nice French restaurant a few blocks away but couldn’t resist baking homemade rolls and a pumpkin pie himself, even though he knew he wouldn’t eat more than a couple of rolls and one slice of pie. Well, maybe he could give the rest to Henry or one of the other doormen; it would certainly be better than letting the food go to waste.<br/>
It had been the first Thanksgiving Harry had ever spent by himself and he’d hated it. His mother and sister had begged him to come home to share the meal with them, but he’d reminded them that he had his appearance on “Morning Today” Friday morning, so he definitely couldn’t have joined them. It was already going to be tough enough to be spending the month of December in Massachusetts with both Louis’ and his family tip-toeing around their separation and trying to pretend that everything was okay. There would be separate Christmas trees set up; would Louis even put a tree up in their house or would he leave that to Lottie and her husband with their kids and Louis’s younger siblings? There would be separate Christmas Eve and birthday celebrations for Louis; separate Christmas mornings. How would they handle the children in their blended family opening presents? Harry hated that there would be so much to facilitate and too many happenings that would prove to be awkward and uncomfortable.<br/>
The next 4 weeks were going to be unbearable. Harry wanted his husband back, but he also wanted to expand and move their business forward to greater success and didn’t understand why Louis didn’t have the same dreams and ambitions as him anymore. He just didn’t see a way to have everything he wanted and it bothered him. He knew that marriage was about compromise and sometimes sacrifices but why did it have to hurt so much? Harry sighed as he placed the last of his dinner in the refrigerator and turned out the lights in the front of the apartment. He looked out of the large living room windows to the quiet city night below.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Louis – Thanksgiving evening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Louis is missing his husband too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for continuing on this advent journey with me. I've already received a lot of nice compliments and encouragement, so thank you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lottie, her husband Tom and their son Albert had left half an hour ago, and it was finally quiet in his house. Louis loved his family, but they were a big family, and LOUD, and Louis often found them draining. Still, he was happy that he had let Lottie convince him to host the big family Thanksgiving dinner. It had felt good to have people in the house again; this large house had grown tired of just Louis and had seemed to warm and light up with the sounds and activity of all of his family members. Louis couldn’t remember the last time that there had been laughter ringing through the many rooms of the old house, and it had felt healing. As the morning and afternoon progressed and his house filled with his siblings, his stepfather, and numerous aunts, uncles and cousins, Louis had found himself beginning to heal a bit too. He hadn’t realized how isolated he’d become, avoiding his family’s concerned and pitying looks and questions about how he was doing. Because truthfully, he was doing shitty.</p>
<p>He hated how much he missed Harry. Hated how lonely he felt. He ached for the comfort of his husband’s arms and got angry with himself because isn’t this what he said he wanted? For Harry and him to take some time, some space and time apart to figure out what their priorities were and whether they included each other? Hadn’t he been the one to suggest that Harry move into the Manhattan apartment, two states and almost 300 miles away? He really had only himself to blame for the pathetic predicament he now found himself in.</p>
<p>He found that he could only admit these things late at night, usually when he’d had one too many beers. So now as he finished putting the second load of dishes into the dishwasher, and handwashing the items like the large roasting pan and the good silver cutlery and utensils that couldn’t go into the washer, Louis indulged his broken heart and let himself think of Harry.</p>
<p>Fact #1, Harry was still and always would be the love of his life. There would never be another “lobster” for Louis.</p>
<p>Fact #2, the last five years had seen him and Harry begin to have very different ideas as to where their lives and more importantly their business should grow, and it felt like they were at a permanent impasse that couldn’t be negotiated around. Cranberry Lane had always been just a lark to Louis; a side business that was a fun extra source of income. But to Harry it had become, maybe it had always been, something that gave his life meaning and a sense of self. Harry lived and breathed their products and their relationships with their customers. Harry was the face of Cranberry Lane; he was their brand and mission statement come to life. Treat People With Kindness (and also with tasty food and lovely home décor), and you will have friends, joy and success for life. Well Louis believed in that too, he just didn’t think they needed a global product line and an online store to do it.</p>
<p>He longed to just be a regular cranberry farmer again, like his father, his grandfather and great grandfather before him. Louis wanted to just go back to when he and Harry were just starting out and the most merchandising they did was selling fresh pressed cranberry juice to the people that came to the farm for the cranberry bog tours in the spring and summer. Why wasn’t that enough for Harry?</p>
<p>Louis finished drying the last piece of his late mother’s silver and lovingly placed it inside the velvet lined case, closed it and put the heavy leather case back into the bottom of the large credenza in the hallway. Louis’s nose wrinkled with annoyance at the layer of dust clearly visible on top of the credenza. No doubt his aunt Lily had noticed that straight away and had complained to his aunt Martha about how far down Louis had fallen.</p>
<p>“Can’t even keep his house clean and orderly without Harry.”, Louis could just hear her now.</p>
<p>He sighed and put ‘dusting’ on the mental list of things that he would have to get done this week before the town’s annual Christmas festival took up too much of his time. This year he was taking over the role of lead coordinator, something that Harry had done for the past decade, and he was feeling a little nervous but also pretty excited for something all-consuming and festive to focus on so that he could forget about his tragic love life for a bit. Louis turned off the last of the downstairs lights deciding in the moment that he would forgo cutting down and setting up a Christmas tree this year and headed upstairs to try and get a good night’s sleep. He’d do his best to ignore the gnawing longing for his husband’s warm body next to him; Louis had gone without it for almost a year now, surely, he could get through tonight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Harry - Manhattan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry has to lie and put on a brave front for the public.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry anxiously shifted his weight from foot to foot as his building’s elevator made its slow descent to the lobby. Argh, he knew he should’ve taken the stairs! He was running so late, but he had already broken out in a nervous sweat and didn’t want to add to his perspiration levels by jogging down six flights of stairs. Harry pulled the collar of his silk blouse away and blew some air out of his mouth to try and cool off. Why was it so hot in this building? He was going to have to talk to Randy the maintenance guy about lowering the heat in the main areas of the building. As soon as the elevator doors slid open Harry sprinted out, yelling a hello to Richard the morning doorman.</p>
<p>Harry’s Uber was waiting right in front and after Harry confirmed the car was for him, he slid into the back seat and thanked his driver Abdul.</p>
<p>“So you’re going to 30 Rock this morning, sir?”</p>
<p>“Yes, and I’m afraid I’m a bit late. How’s the traffic through midtown? Am I going to make it there by 8?”</p>
<p>“Maybe just. I’ll see what I can do.” Abdul shrugged.</p>
<p>Harry thanked him and sat back letting the cold air coming through the cracked windows cool his overheated body. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Scratch that – he totally knew why. He was going on national television in a little over an hour to be interviewed and make a 3 minute Christmas decoration with Lola Humphries, the queen of morning news. This get of an interview was the culmination of all of the hard work and sleepless nights that Harry had poured into his home goods and lifestyle brand over the past eight years.</p>
<p>Cranberry Lane was a success and the company and Harry were gaining notoriety, fame, and respect from major markets. Harry was proud of everything that the company had become, even if it had basically ruined his marriage. Harry knew that part of his nerves about this interview was because he was going to be lying to Lola Humphries and the entire Morning Today audience by acting like he and Louis were still the perfect married team – Cranberry Lane proprietors and super couple – when in fact they had been separated for a little over a year. Harry now lived full time in the 1 bedroom upper West Side condo that they had bought two years ago as a place to stay when they were in the city at their new office space in Harlem, and that they were supposed to be renting out as a vacation place when they weren’t there as another source of income. Louis had never wanted the condo at all; he thought it had been a waste of good money, no matter how many times Harry had explained the need for the space and that they were getting a screaming deal on the apartment because Harry’s mom had known the previous owner from her book club.  It was just one of many things that Harry and Louis had fought about at that time and Louis had almost always found himself giving up and letting Harry have his way. Harry couldn’t explain why that hadn’t actually made him happy. Arguing with Louis had at least felt like they were connecting, like they were invested in each other.  After Louis had relented and they’d bought the apartment in the pre-war building, he and his stepfather had done a small bit of remodeling and painting, trying to modernize the place as best and as cheaply as they could. It had fallen to Harry to decorate and put the condo up on the vacation rental site. But the work at Cranberry Lane and all of the stress and tragedy of the past 18 months had taken precedence, and Harry had never gotten around to it. Now he was glad; he didn’t want to admit that Louis was right and the idea of having strangers in their space was somewhat off-putting, not to mention managing a vacation rental, or even hiring someone else to do it, was more work than it was worth.</p>
<p>Louis was still living in their huge and lovingly restored Victorian home on the 26 acre cranberry bog farm that had been in Louis’ family for decades. Harry missed that house so much. When he thinks back on all of the years and sweat equity, he and Louis had put into fixing the house into his favorite home he gets teary, so Harry resolved to set aside those painful memories for later. Right now he was going to have to work on his sunny demeanor and role as one half of the perfect couple. Harry was a terrible liar. Every time he lied, he broke out in a rash. He prayed that the tv makeup would cover up any of his tells as he fake-smiled his way through the most important interview of his career.</p>
<p>Before long Harry was being directed down a long hallway that ended at two double push doors with a red light on top and a sign that said Film Recording In Process. The PA next to him pointed through the doors and said that someone named Sandy would take him the rest of the way. Harry pushed through the doors and entered what he now saw was a large studio set. Wow, Harry thought, THE Lola Humphries’ studio. His eyes immediately focused on the iconic lime green armchair that was Lola’s defacto throne, where she sat and presided over her interviews with both the famous and the people that Lola found fascinating and wanted to bring the nation’s attention to. Harry’s chest filled with pride with the realization that he now fell into that latter category. Then he rolled his eyes and admonished himself for being selfish; it was Cranberry Lane <em>the company</em>, not just him that Lola wanted to talk about. He had to remember that even if he currently felt adrift and on his own, to the public and to their customers Louis and he were still a team. Harry inhaled deeply and slowly released his breath trying to center himself. He could do this! Lola Humphries walked onto the set from the other end of the stage and immediately noticed Harry and waved him over. The time had come to turn on his charm and lie through his teeth.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Louis - "Morning Today" madness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Louis watches Harry's interview on "Morning Today".</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis placed his full mug of black tea with a splash of milk on the coffee table in the sitting room and plopped down into his favorite leather armchair worn perfectly to fit the shape of his bottom from years of use. He took a deep steadying breath, picked up his mug of tea and the remote and turned on the tv to “Morning Today”. Louis was assaulted with Harry and his <em>dimples</em> looking fantastic and more chic than Louis could ever hope to be, and immediately regretted taking such a large sip of his tea, as it went down wrong and he started to cough. For crissakes, Harry would be the death of him one way or another, one of these days. Louis sat back and tried to get his rabbiting heart to settle as he turned up the sound to watch Harry’s interview.</p>
<p>He really didn’t have any idea what Harry was going to say. Would Harry discuss living in Manhattan while his supposed beloved husband was all the way in rural Massachusetts? Would he reveal that they were separated? He assumed not. Harry’s agent, Louis still couldn’t believe that Harry had an actual agent, had been cautioning for the past 6 months that they had to put up a front that they were a HAPPY. COLLABORATING. COUPLE.™ The business, Harry’s television program, pretty much everything they’d worked hard for over the past decade, was on the line. Louis was just happy that he only had to put on the charade the couple of times a week when he was in town, or if he ran into someone at the gas station. He and Harry both appreciated how accommodating and great their families had been through this whole mess. Lottie and his younger siblings, his stepfather, Gemma and Harry’s mother Anne, they had all been understanding and supportive, and he didn’t know how he and Harry could’ve gotten through this past year without them.</p>
<p>Louis realized he had tuned out for a minute and then heard Harry say his name on the screen.</p>
<p>“The cooking show was actually Louis’s idea. For years he had told me that I was a better cook than anybody he had ever seen on tv and he said that I was really good at breaking things done into easy to follow steps and explaining things, like when I would teach my niece or my husband’s little sisters how to make things. And then a couple of Christmases ago one of the Food Network programming producers happened to come to Wareham and saw me give a gingerbread making demo. Within a few days they were offering me my own cooking show and it felt like too good an offer to pass up.”</p>
<p>“And the rest I’d say is history. Your cooking show has quickly become an audience favorite and network sensation. I know I try to never miss an episode. Although I’ll admit that I have two on my dvr that I need to catch up on.” Lola mused.</p>
<p>Harry giggled, and was that a blush on his cheeks?, “I’m flattered you find the time to watch at all; you’re so busy with all of your projects.”</p>
<p>Louis rolled his eyes. Harry really was made for this type of thing. Louis could never do it, he knew that for a fact.</p>
<p>“Harry, when will there be new episodes of your show airing?”</p>
<p>“Well Lola, you’ll have to ask the executives at the network. Maybe you could pull some strings for me? No, but seriously, we’re still waiting to hear if the show’s been picked up for another season. I won’t lie, it’s been hard being away from Wareham. I film the cooking show here in Manhattan, and I miss my simple small town home life, you know?”</p>
<p>Louis sat forward at that. Harry sounded so sincere. Did he really miss his life in Wareham; did he miss the farm? Did he miss him? Louis wasn’t so sure but a large part of him wanted to believe.</p>
<p>Louis sat for another ten minutes watching Harry’s interview and was so enthralled that he didn’t hear his stepfather Dan drive up and walk in.</p>
<p>“Well Harry, you’ve certainly made your tiny Cape Cop town and its holiday festival sound beguiling. And I can’t wait to show my nieces, nephews and great nieces and nephews this wonderful Christmas cookie advent calendar that we just made.” Lola Humphries smiled the smile that had made her a favorite in the households of millions and gestured to Harry as he held up the foam core board that had the first 25 days of December written on it.</p>
<p>“And don’t forget to visit the Cranberry Lane online shop for our Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals and get your holiday shopping done early!”, Harry smiled into the camera and made sure to get that plug in right before the director motioned for cut and they went to commercial.</p>
<p>Louis couldn’t believe he had watched the whole thing. He had actually set an alarm on his phone so that he could stop his work in the barn and make it inside in time to turn on the tv and watch just part of Harry’s segment and he’d ended up watching the full 20 minute interview. Louis had quickly found himself with his eyes locked on the screen as Harry worked his charm on Lola Humphries and most likely every single person over the age of 2 watching. When Dan cleared his throat Louis let out a startled scream.</p>
<p>“Dan! Holy crap, you scared me!”</p>
<p>“You didn’t hear me come in? Maybe Lottie’s right and you do need a guard dog now that you’re out here mostly by yourself.”</p>
<p>Louis stood and turned the television off. “Nah, I don’t need the responsibility of a dog right now, thank you. I was just taking my morning tea break and catching up on some news. You know, see what’s going on in the world.”</p>
<p>“Is that what we’re calling news now? Harry baking cookies for Lola Humphries?” Dan asked with a wry smile.</p>
<p>Louis dragged his hand down his face and sighed. “Oh, so you saw that huh?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I saw you completely hanging off of every word you’re husband was saying and looking at him with those heart eyes you get.”</p>
<p>“Heart eyes?! Absolutely not. I was…um… I was just curious how Harry was going to handle things. Whether he was going to talk about our separation or not.”</p>
<p>“Louis, you know Harry wouldn’t do that.” Dan admonished.</p>
<p>“I know no such thing! And anyway, I needed to check to see if there was something I needed to prepare to talk about, or lie about, to folks in town later when I go in for the Christmas festival committee meeting. You know everyone in town watched Lola’s show this morning.”</p>
<p>“No doubt. Changing the subject, I noticed that the for sale sign for the Maguire’s came down. You have anything to do with that?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Well sort of. I think. John Maguire has tentatively agreed to sell me his farm. He said that he’d take the property off the market for exactly a month, which gives me about 3 weeks to come up with all of the money I’ll need to buy it off him.”</p>
<p>“Have you talked to Harry yet about this?” Dan asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“No, not yet.”, Louis sighed, “I’m not sure I’m going to. Why should he know? Why would he even care? I just need Harry to buy me out from Cranberry Lane and then I can move on and do what I want to do. We can both move on. We’d already sort of talked about this possibility; Harry knows I’ve grown to hate the Cranberry Lane business. He’ll be happy to get me out of it.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that? Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Dan. I don’t need your help or advice on this. Now let’s go and inspect the bogs.”</p>
<p>Louis walked around Dan and out of the door, grabbing his fleece wool lined denim jacket on the way out. Dan had sounded like he didn’t believe anything that he had said but followed behind him in silence anyway. This uncomfortable subject was dropped for now. If only Louis’s stubborn heart would cooperate.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Harry  - Back home to the Cape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry travels back home to Wareham for the holidays.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry couldn’t fathom why traveling made him so tired. It was only just after two in the afternoon and he already wanted to change into pjs and curl up in front of a fireplace with some hot cocoa. His travel today hadn’t even been that remarkable or long; he’d gotten one of the last seats on the 9am commuter flight from JFK to Logan, and then hadn’t had much trouble getting the noon MBTA train to Plymouth station. All in all he hadn’t had to exert much effort and yet he felt like he’d walked the whole way from Manhattan. Harry’s phone dinged with a text and he looked to see that his mother Anne was 5 minutes away from picking him up. He made the executive decision to walk over to the café across the street to grab some coffee and replied back to his mother to tell her so.</p>
<p>Several minutes later Harry threw is large leather satchel into the back seat of his mother’s car and settled into the front seat carefully sipping his deliciously sweet coffee. He’d splurged both on cost and calories by getting a large caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream. Louis would have given him so much crap for ordering what he called “pixie whimsy sugar” drinks. Louis thought that anything more than a little milk or cream in black coffee or tea was a waste. Sugar was for cakes, pies and cookies, not drinks. Harry smiled into the rim of his paper cup thinking about this, but his smile turned to a frown when he realized that this had been the first happy thought of Louis that he’d had in months. His mother pulled him from his thoughts.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Mom. What did you say?”</p>
<p>“I was asking if we were going straight to my house, or if you needed to stop anywhere else first…?” Anne’s unspoken question came over loud and clear to Harry.</p>
<p>“Um, I guess…”, Harry busied himself reclining his seat before continuing, “well I think you should drop me off at the farm first. I want to get my car and I need some of my clothes. I didn’t bring that much with me.” Harry gestured towards his bag in the back. He hoped his mom would drop the subject but wasn’t surprised when she didn’t.</p>
<p>“Will Louis be home? Does he even know that you’re arriving back today?”</p>
<p>“I don’t expect that he’ll be home, no. That’s why I want to go now, so I can run in and out before he’s back. And as far as I know he knows I’m expected back in Wareham today. Lottie knows of course, and I told her to tell him.”</p>
<p>“Harry, why are you using your husband’s sister as your messenger? And before you say a word, I’ve already told Louis off about this as well. It’s beyond childish to use Lottie as your go-between.”</p>
<p>“Mom, please. I don’t want to talk about Louis or the problems with my marriage right now.”</p>
<p>“If not now, when? Harry you’ve got talk about this stuff some time. You have to start making decisions one way or another. You and Louis can’t just exist in this separation limbo forever.”</p>
<p>“You sound like you want us to split up, mother.”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t want that at all. But this isn’t about what I want. This is about what you and Louis want. I always thought that you two were on the same page with the same hopes and dreams. And I guess that’s changed, and it’s okay if it’s changed, it’s just that you and Louis used to be so good at communicating. Even when you disagreed, you were always able to hear the other one’s side of things. I don’t understand why that changed.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know why either, mother!”, Harry screeched, “We were always a team, Louis and I. Even when we had different ideas about things, we always knew what the other one was thinking, and we supported each other. And then all of this tragedy happened, and we stopped talking to each other. Louis just stopped talking altogether. He wrapped a wall around himself, around his heart, and he shut me out. I felt so helpless and unwanted, so I threw myself into the only thing that didn’t make me feel like that, Cranberry Lane. I don’t know how to fix any of this, mom.” Harry put his head his hands and then wiped his tears with the ends of his cashmere scarf.</p>
<p>“Oh darling, I’m so sorry. But I think you’re being unfair to Louis. Johanna lost her fight with cancer and then we lost sweet Fizzie so soon after. Harry, when your husband loses both his mother and a beloved sister in that short span of time his grief is bound to build walls up as a way to cope and to protect his heart. When you love someone your job is to figure out a way to scale those walls.”</p>
<p>“Mom I’ve failed at it. And now it’s too late.”</p>
<p>“Is it? I don’t think it is. You’ll be in Wareham for the next month, Harry. You can take the time to try and fix things now.”</p>
<p>Harry sucked in a breath; he felt like he hadn’t taken a full breath all day. Maybe like he hadn’t been breathing correctly for that past two years.</p>
<p>He turned in his seat towards his mother and nodded. “Okay, I can try. Louis and I are worth trying. Will you help me, mom?”</p>
<p>Anne took her eyes off the road for a moment and reached out to squeeze her son’s arm. “Yes, my love I will do whatever I can to help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Louis - An afternoon in Wareham</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Louis steadies himself for Harry's return.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis pushed through the door to Edith’s Bakery and smiled up at the chimes entwined with holly leaves that Edith or one of her employees had put at the top of the door. He really did love all of the trappings of the holiday season, including all of the wreaths, garlands and things that used the winter foliage in and around their area. He also loved this time of year because it was Egg Nog season! It was one of the only sweet drinks that Louis could abide by and it was secretly one of his favorite holiday indulges. And that’s what had brought Louis into the little bakery and café that afternoon. Edith's made the best homemade egg nog around.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Mary, can I have my Christmas usual please?” Louis called out as his greeting to the woman behind the counter. He nodded a hello to a couple of older gentleman who were seated by the window and working on two crossroad puzzles.</p><p>“Louis, it’s after 2. You’re getting decaf my dear.”</p><p>Louis scowled at Mary, but it quickly turned into a smile for the woman behind the counter who had been one of his mother’s best friends. “As long as the best ingredient is included in my latte I don’t care. I’ll make some nice strong tea later if I’m dragging ass.” He punctuated this with a wink.</p><p>“Oh you! You were always complaining to your mom that you weren’t getting enough sleep, and no wonder if you’re drinking all this caffeine into the wee hours of the night.”</p><p>“Mary, you know I only drink coffee this time of year as a delivery system for your eggnog. It’s the perfect offset so that it’s not too sweet because…”, Mary interrupted and finished his sentence.</p><p>“…because sugar should only be for cakes, pies, and cookies. I know, Louis. Come on then, do you want an 8 or 12 oz cup? We also just pulled a tray out of the oven of those palmiers that you like so much. Want a couple of those too?”</p><p>Louis’s smiled dropped. Palmiers. Palmiers reminded him of Harry. In fact it had been Harry all those years ago when he was a teenager working here that had started making the French pastry treat after learning how to laminate dough via a YouTube tutorial. It had quickly become Louis’s favorite treat but now he couldn’t stomach them. They somehow seemed too rich for his taste now.</p><p>“Uh, no thanks. Um…but I will take one of those ginger molasses cookies if there are any to be had.” Louis stuttered slightly and tried to smile again at Mary, but he knew it wasn’t working. Mary turned and busied herself making his coffee in he guessed whichever size she saw fit to give him. She knew when a subject needed to be dropped or changed.</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later found Louis walking in the cold but sunny afternoon warming his hands as much as he could around the hot coffee he held. He walked down the street and headed to the hardware store. When he walked into the crammed store, the comforting smell of wood, lacquer, and something undefined but decidedly small town, greeted Louis and made him think of the days when he was a kid and he’d come along on trips to the store with his grandfather.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Louis.” Nick, the current owner welcomed him in with a wave.</p><p>“Hey Nick, how are things?”</p><p>“Not too bad. I saw Harry on that Lola Humphries show the other morning. That was a pretty exciting moment for you guys, huh. And it was nice of Harry to give Wareham such nice plugs. I’ve already seen an uptick in online orders since his interview aired and I can’t think of any other reason except Harry’s mentions. Please thank him for me when he gets back home. When’s he due back anyway?”</p><p>“Expecting him back soon”, Louis said as he headed towards the kitchen supply area of the store hoping to avoid further conversation about Harry, “You be sure to tell Harry yourself about all of this. He’d love to hear it directly from you.” And I certainly don’t want to talk to him about it, Louis thought to himself.</p><p>Harry Harry Harry, that’s all people had wanted to talk about with Louis for the past few days, even more than usual because of his big interview. Harry was in fact the reason Louis was in the hardware store to begin with. Louis’s youngest sister Doris and his nephew Albert had asked to come over tomorrow to make some holiday cookies, specifically the pecan shortbread ones that were really the only cookie that Louis knew how to make and were his specialty. He’d gone to set out all of the things that they’d need for tomorrow and had discovered that he only had one baking sheet and none of those little ice cream scooper thingies that Harry always used for cookie baking which made sure that all of the cookies were the same size. He supposed that Harry had taken most of this type of kitchen gadget with him to either NY or his mom’s house when he’d moved out. Louis would be damned if he’d not make the cookies perfect like always; he didn’t want anyone to compare him unfavorably to Harry. Or at least not give people <em>another</em> reason to compare him unfavorably.</p><p>Louis quickly found what he needed, adding a couple of those silicone baking pads that he knew Harry always used, another item that had mysteriously disappeared from his kitchen, and paid for everything without having to engage in too much more chitchat with Nick. Louis considered just going to his pickup truck and heading home but decided to stop by the Cranberry Lane store and see his sister Lottie since it was right across the street and didn’t seem to be too filled with customers.</p><p> </p><p>The inside of their store was warm and bright and somehow smelled softly and pleasantly of citrus and cinnamon even though no candles were lit nor were there any weird fake air fresheners anywhere. It was just the natural aroma of the store and the scent reminded Louis so much of Harry that he almost felt his eyes tear up with longing. He shook himself and moved further into the store trying to find his sister.</p><p>“Hi Lou, how’s my favorite brother?” Lottie smiled at him from where she was standing behind a display of mason jars filled with cranberry jam, festooned with pretty red and green striped ribbon.</p><p>“Don’t let our brother Ernie hear you say that, or he’ll be hurt.”</p><p>“Ernie is only 9, he’d understand. Anyway, he’s my cutest brother.” Lottie playfully batted her heavily mascaraed eyelashes at Louis and then stuck her tongue out at him. “What brings you in here today? Checking in on how the flagship store of your empire is doing?”</p><p>Louis scowled at that. “No, you weirdo. I was just across the street getting some things for tomorrow’s cookie baking extravaganza and decided to check in to see what time you were going to drop the kids over tomorrow?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, Albert has been talking about nothing else for two days. I was thinking around noon? That way they’ll be home in plenty of time for dinner. And please promise you won’t let them eat too many of the cookies you all make. I’m already cringing thinking about the sugar buzz those three will be vibrating with when you drop them back off in the evening.”</p><p>“Three? Is another one of my siblings joining us?”</p><p>“Albert and the twins. Who else were you expecting?”</p><p>“I knew Albert and Doris were coming, but Ernest wants to come too? I thought he said baking was for ‘stupid girls and babies’?” Louis rolled his eyes and did air quotes around the last few words.</p><p>Lottie blew out a frustrated huff. “That kid…why are 9 year old boys so annoying? I don’t remember you being that way when you were 9.”</p><p>“When I was 9 you were 3, so you wouldn’t even remember how I was, but you’re right, I was a perfect angel my entire childhood.” Louis said with a laugh and Lottie joined him with a giggle.</p><p>“Anyway, last night when Doris was talking about all of the fun stuff you guys were going to be doing tomorrow, Ernie got the worst case of FOMO I’ve ever seen and demanded to be included. So yes, prepare yourself for three helpers. Although knowing our brother, he’ll give up halfway and then sit on your couch the rest of the time playing his Nintendo Switch.”</p><p>Louis nodded. There was something else he wanted to ask Lottie, but he couldn’t figure out a smooth way to do it. “So…um…heard from Anne recently? How are Gemma and Olivia?”</p><p>“You ain’t subtle, bro. What you really want to know is whether Harry got back today or not.” Louis started to protest but was met with Lottie’s indignant look and a knowing confidence in her crossed arm stance.  “To answer your non-question, as far as I know Anne was picking Harry up from the Plymouth train station about an hour or so ago, although for the life of me I don’t understand why Harry didn’t just fly directly from JFK to Hyannis. Seems like a lot hassle and extra travel time for no reason.”</p><p>“Harry hates those small planes that Cape Air flies. He’d much rather drive or fly on a large jet into Boston, even if it means having  to get on a 2 hour train ride and another hour in the car.” Louis offered this explanation smoothly and quickly without thinking. His brain had betrayed him, and the words had just flowed out before he could stop them. Lottie gave him a sad, understanding smile.</p><p>She coughed to clear the awkwardness. “You coming over for dinner tonight? I’m making lasagna.” She asked.</p><p>“I can’t tonight because I have the Christmas festival committee kickoff meeting but save a piece, okay?”</p><p>“Of course, Lou. I’ll put some in a Tupperware and send it over with the kids tomorrow.”</p><p>“Great. I’ll let you get back to it. I have to be getting home now anyway. Bye, sis.” Louis leaned over the counter and gave his sister a kiss on the cheek before stepping back outside. The sun had gone behind some clouds and it was noticeably colder. Louis shivered a bit as he walked towards his parked truck and worried that this turn in the weather was a bad sign of things to come involving his maybe probably soon-to-be ex-husband.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Harry - Back home and finding secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry's back at his old house and is filled with a little regret.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>An FYI for the readers of Chapter 7 -<br/>The full chapter for Advent Day 7 was posted at 9:20pm PST.<br/>I didn't have enough time to fully review this chapter for grammar errors etc. So please excuse any mess ups and I will hopefully correct anything at a later date. Thank you for your patience and understanding.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as his mom turned onto their road, the Cranberry Lane that had given their business its name, Harry was overcome with nerves. He knew that Louis wouldn’t be at the house but that didn’t lessen the apprehension that he felt. He hadn’t been back since May. Would the house be different? What if Louis had repainted the exterior; or the <em>interior</em>?! Would his car start? Louis had said that he was making sure to turn it on and drive it occasionally but what if he hadn’t? Would his car keys be on their designated hook just inside the front door? What if Louis had moved things around? What if Louis had packed up all of Harry’s things? Would he be able to find any of the clothes that he was hoping to bring over to his mom’s and supplement that small amount he brought from his apartment in New York? He was looking forward to spending the next month is comfortably worn jeans and corduroy trousers and couldn’t wait to dig out his favorite sweaters from the cedar chest in their closet. Oh my god! Harry worried, what if Louis had given away all of his beloved cozy sweaters? By the time Anne was turning into the driveway, Harry had worked himself into a such a state of agitation that he practically sprinted from the car before she’d even put it into park. He was halfway up the front stairs before he heard his mom calling after him.</p><p>“Harry hold on! Do you need me to wait?”</p><p>“No, mom. I’m going to find the keys to my car and drive that back to your place.”</p><p>“But are you sure you’ll be able to find the keys without having to wait for Louis?”</p><p>“Yes, mom.” Harry snapped at Anne, even though he had just voiced the same worries not 20 seconds before. He felt bad so he turned around to apologize. “Sorry. Being here is more stressful than I thought it’d be. I’ll be fine here. Go on home and if you could be my bag in with you I’d appreciate it.”</p><p>“Okay, darling. Just try not to work yourself up so much. The extra anxiety isn’t going to help anything. Will you be back before dinner?”</p><p>“No, I think I’ll grab something in town before the festival committee meeting I have at 7 tonight. And mom? Thanks. For everything. I’m sorry I’ve been acting so stressed out.”</p><p>“It’s okay, but you need to remember that you’re going to have to deal with a lot of these stressful issues these next few weeks. Pace yourself.” And with that, Anne waved and reversed and turned back down their driveway to head back towards the other end of Wareham where she lived with Harry’s sister Gemma and her daughter Olivia.</p><p> </p><p>Harry took his keys out of his coat pocket and chose the one for the front door briefly panicking that maybe Louis had changed the code on their alarm system and wouldn’t that just be great if the cops, most of whom had gone to school with Louis and Harry or had known their families their whole lives, had to come out and arrest Harry for breaking into his own house? It was a needless worry because Harry found that the security alarm wasn’t even turned on. He rolled his eyes moved further inside. His car keys were right where they’d always been, to his right on the wall. The shoe cubby hadn’t changed except there were only Louis’s shoes filling the openings besides what looked like an old pair of Harry’s Crocs in the bottom right of the cubby buried under Lou’s hiking boots. Harry resisted the urge to remove the loafers he was wearing now; he’d only be here for like 10 minutes, he wouldn’t be dragging in that much dirt from the outside. He took two more steps then thought about all the places that he’d been that day – dirty Manhattan streets, two busy international airports, the gross train station bathroom…- and immediately removed his shoes and placed them beside the cubby on the floor, then gave into temptation and peeked into the large living room that opened into the dining room and then the kitchen at the back of the house.</p><p>The first thing that Harry noticed was the lack of a Christmas tree. His forehead wrinkled in confusion as he took in the fact that there weren’t any holiday decorations up anywhere at all. Sure, the holiday decorating had always fallen to him, but Louis hadn’t put up anything yet at all? Not even garlands on the mantel above the fireplace? Harry walked on through and saw that the extra leaves had been placed into the dining room table and his heart clenched a second thinking about the large Tomlinson family holiday meals that he’d be missing or had already missed this year. He admonished himself for wasting time pining for things like this when he should be upstairs grabbing the clothes that he specifically came here for today.</p><p>Harry took the stairs two at a time up to the second floor in the large spacious house. He first checked the two guest bedrooms figuring that Louis had moved his clothes and shoes into one of those closets. When he only found extra bedding in one and old board games and puzzles in the other, he shrugged and turned towards the master bedroom at the other end of the hall. Harry gasped when he stepped inside his old bedroom. His senses were assaulted with the delicious smell of the room. It smelled like a freshly peeled orange mixed with the pine scent of the candle that Louis always burned in winter, and there was the underlying essence of the shower gel that Louis loved. This room smelled like Louis and Harry thought he might cry. The first thing he saw was that Louis had changed the orientation of their bed. It was no longer the thing that faced you when you walked in; Louis had placed the bed between the two windows on the right. The bed looked good there. There were new curtains for the windows and soft looking flannel sheets on the bed that he didn’t recognize. In the space where the bed had been the large antique wardrobe and a chair and lamp had been put there instead. On top of the long chest of drawers that now faced the foot of the bed, Louis had placed a large flat screen television which made Harry smiled ruefully. Harry had always been staunchly anti-tv for the rooms where people slept. Bedrooms were for reading or listening to music, and of course SLEEPING; they weren’t for staying up to all hours with the blue glow of the tv screen lighting up the room. He guessed his opinion didn’t matter anymore in this regard.</p><p>Harry avoided the en suite bathroom (what was he afraid he’d find there?) and turned his attention to the walk-in closet. He felt silly feeling so apprehensive but covered his eyes with his hand nonetheless as he walked in and reached for the light switch on the wall to his right. When he slowly parted the fingers over his eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief. Everything in the closet was basically as he’d left it. Sure his side was emptier, after all he had taken all of his designer suits with him to Manhattan, but everything else was still hanging from the same hangers and folded and sitting on the same shelves. He pulled a stack of his jeans down from one of the shelves on the wall put them down on floor near the door. Next he went another set of shelves that held various other pairs of pants and his eyes lit up when he saw his favorite pair of cords. Cinnamon colored and soft as a baby bunny, Harry held them to his chest and let out a little squee of joy.</p><p>Harry turned around and stuck his head back out of the closet, cocking his ear to make sure Louis hadn’t come home yet and unzipped the wool suit pants he was wearing, stepping out of them and immediately pulling on the brown cords. He was pleased to find that they still fit (he’d slacked off his workouts and had been soothing his sad heart with lots of ice cream) and sighed with pleasure at the feel of them against his legs. He moved back over to the shelves on his side of the closet and picked out a couple of other cords and his favorite bright Kelly green wool gabardine slacks that he always liked to wear on Christmas evening and added them to his trouser pile on the floor. Now it was sweater time! Harry walked to the back of the large closet where the cedar chest stood. He opened it up and welcomed that comforting smell from the cedar wood. There were a couple of Louis’s wool Christmas sweaters on top and Harry moved those aside to dig underneath. He found his bright blue crew neck and a couple of his favorite cardigans, but the one that Harry really wanted was nowhere to be found, even after he’d removed everything from the chest. Where was his lilac cable knit?  It was his very favorite! He’d meant to take it with him to New York, but he hadn’t been able to find it when he was packing all those months ago. He knew it was here. It had to be here, somewhere!</p><p>Harry turned to Louis’s side of the closet and did a cursory scan for the light purple fabric of the sweater with no luck. He moved back into the bedroom and opened the drawers on what had been ‘his’ side of the dresser. Underwear and socks in the top drawer; neatly folded button-downs were in the middle one; an assortment of random t-shirts in the bottom, but no lilac sweater. Harry stood with his hands on hips and a look of frustration on his face. He took a chance and decided to look in Louis’s drawers, feeling like he was doing something inappropriate.</p><p>“It’s your husband’s underwear drawer for fuck’s sake, not the Shroud of Turin.” Harry scolded himself out loud.</p><p>The first two drawers provided nothing special. But when Harry opened up the bottom drawer where Louis kept the old t-shirts, shorts and sweatpants that he slept in, he saw the cuff of his lilac sweater peeking out from where it had been stuffed in between a couple of long sleeved longjohn shirts. Harry gently lifted the sweater out and shook it out which caused the scent of his cologne to waft towards him. The cologne that he wasn’t wearing currently. The cologne that he’d left here in their bathroom and hadn’t taken with him because it reminded him too much of Louis and their marriage and Harry would rather not wear any cologne then have to be sad all the time with remembering. The meaning hit Harry hard in the chest. Louis kept this sweater that he made smell of Harry as a comfort touchstone; he kept in a drawer with the things he wore to bed. Maybe he wore the sweater to bed sometimes so that he’d feel like he was being hugged by Harry. Or maybe he simply held it close as he slept, almost like a security blanket that he’d hold to his nose and activate that olfactory comfort. Harry felt tears start to brim and his took in a few shaky breaths.</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”</p><p>Harry whirled around at the shouted question and met his husband standing in the doorway of their bedroom looking furious…and maybe a little scared?</p><p>“Harry, I asked you a question. What are you doing here and what the fuck are you doing going through my private things?”</p><p>“I…I was just looking…I came to get some of my clothes.” That even sounded lame to Harry’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>Louis looked at the stack of clothes on the floor and back up at Harry. “Well okay, you have your things. Now leave. How did you even get here? A taxi or something? I didn’t see your mom or Gemma’s car outside. If I did I might have had a heads up that you were in here rifling around in my underpants.”</p><p>“Louis, I wasn’t rifling around your underwear drawer. I was just looking for my favorite sweater. And <em>I found it</em>.” Harry looked pointedly at Louis which caused a blush to spread across Louis’s cheeks. Boy, Louis sure was pretty when he was embarrassed Harry thought quickly.</p><p>“That’s mine. You can’t take it.” Louis folded his arms and steeled his gaze.</p><p>“Come on, Lou. You know this is my favorite sweater.”</p><p>“If it was your favorite”, Louis rolled his eyes, “why didn’t you take it with you to New York? When you left it here you lost the rights to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry couldn’t believe what he was hearing or how angry Louis sounded. “Louis don’t be silly. You know very well that this is my sweater. My favorite sweater that I couldn’t find before I left. Did you hide it so that I wouldn’t be able to take it?”</p><p>Louis narrowed his eyes and strode towards Harry so quickly that Harry squeaked a little and stepped back into the open dresser drawer behind him. Louis stopped just short of completely smashing into Harry. And Harry felt weak with longing. Louis looked so good; and Harry had missed him so much. Louis took advantage of Harry being momentarily stunned by Louis’s beauty and snatched the sweater out of Harry’s hands.</p><p>“This belongs to me. Now gather the rest of your crap and get out of my bedroom.” Louis put the hand that held the sweater behind his back and pointed towards the door with his other hand.</p><p> </p><p>Harry was too confounded to do anything else but start picking the large pile of clothes he’d set aside and his discarded trousers and clumsily start to walk down the hall towards the stairs. And a few seconds Harry heard Louis call him back.</p><p>“Harry wait! Here.” Louis jogged down the hall and held out an open duffel bag for him to put the clothes in.</p><p>“Thanks, Louis. I’ll return it soon.” Harry wanted to both kiss Louis and run crying out of the house.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. Keep it. I don’t need it or want it.” With that, Louis turned headed back into the bedroom and slammed the door. Harry felt utterly shattered. Like maybe it was he that Louis no longer needed or wanted.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Louis - Brokenhearted but determined</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Louis waits to breakdown.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis had waited to cry.</p><p>He’d waited until he’d heard Harry stumble loudly down the stairs, straining a bit to listen when he thought he might’ve heard Harry sobbing; it was hard not to run after Harry at that point. Louis had always found it impossible not to want to comfort Harry when he was sad, so he’d had to clutch Harry’s sweater closer to his chest and curl up in a fetal position on the bed to fight his instinct to go after his husband and demand forgiveness. Louis had waited until he heard Harry in the entryway and then after he’d closed the front door.</p><p>Louis waited until he heard the engine of Harry’s car turn over, and when he finally heard the crunch of Harry’s tires on the gravel as he pulled out of the driveway, Louis finally let himself cry.</p><p>Louis buried his face in the soft cotton of Harry’s sweater and bawled. He knew it had been petty and childish to fight with Harry over the sweater, but when Louis had walked in and found Harry holding it up, knowing full well that Harry had found it where Louis had been secretly keeping it, he had panicked. It was bad enough that Louis felt shame and embarrassment because it had been exposed just how not over Harry he was; that look of pity on Harry’s face as he realized that Louis most likely slept with or in the sweater most nights was something Louis wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. God, had Harry smelled his cologne on the garment? Louis cringed with further embarrassment and rolled over to stifle a groan into his pillow. For the first few weeks after Harry had left for New York Louis had slept with the lilac colored sweater and inhaled the Harryness of it as a comforting balm. Then gradually the natural essence of Harry’s scent had faded and Louis had been bereft until he’d had the idea to spritz it lightly with the Tobacco Vanille cologne that Harry had worn for years. It had quickly become a habit to put more cologne on the neck of the sweater as Louis took to wearing or holding the sweater at night like some distorted Linus. Ugh! The confrontation with Harry just now had pretty much ruined any more comfort that the sweater could give him, especially after Louis had seen the way Harry’s face had softened when he was holding the sweater before Louis had yelled at him.</p><p>Even so, Louis wouldn’t be giving the sweater back to Harry. That would be giving Harry even more of an upper hand in this fight than he already had gained. For the past 11 months Louis had felt the advantage and influence that his role of the grieving son and brother had afforded him in the choosing of “sides” concerning his marriage falling apart. Only their families and closest of friends knew of their separation but most of them had concluded (whether it was correct or not) that Harry was the one at fault. Harry was the one that was abandoning his husband for the excitement of New York City, and the fame and fortune of having a nationally televised cable channel cooking show. Poor Louis, left behind to run the family cranberry farm and hold his family together as they dealt with a devastating loss of mother and daughter, Johanna and Felicite, within such a short time of each other. Louis and Harry’s friends and family had all agreed that Louis needed their support more.</p><p>In reality it had been Louis who had pressed and practically forced Harry to take the offer for the tv show. Louis was a walking grief shell and he knew he wasn’t being fair to Harry by shutting him out and not letting Harry comfort him. Louis thought that if Harry had this new and exciting opportunity to occupy his time and mind that it would be better for both of their broken hearts and their marriage. Oh, how wrong he’d been, Louis now thought. All that he had succeeded in doing was push Harry away so often that Harry had basically given up trying to fight for him, for them. Louis sat up on the bed and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his flannel shirt. He was going to have to figure out a better way to handle interacting with Harry than he’d done today. Lottie was right; Harry and Louis would be thrown together a lot over the next several weeks and they had an image to promote and maintain, even if it was a lie. The town’s holiday festival was one of, if not <em>the</em> most important, times of the year for Wareham. The town had their biggest financial boon and counted on the steady flow of tourists and their cash that happened throughout the month of December. He and Harry could do this for the town and the people that had loved and supported them so much over the past decade and a half. They owed them that much. Louis’s confidence about whether Harry and he could pull this off was a little shaky after this afternoon’s encounter, but he was positive that when push came to shove, he and Harry could make the impossible happen.</p><p>The first place to start Louis thought was tonight’s festival committee meeting. He hoped that Harry would still show up after Louis had kicked him out of the house today, but somehow he had a feeling that Harry wouldn’t disappoint the townspeople that had worked so hard to make this year’s event spectacular, despite any bad feelings that might be directed at Louis. It could be Louis &amp; Harry against the world again. They were too powerful a team to let this small detail of a possible future divorce distract them from doing what had to be done.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Harry - turning a holiday disaster around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry gets baking and gets thinking.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Harry had got back to his mother’s house after that terrible interaction with Louis, he had quickly moved into stress baking distraction mode. He’d basically dumped Louis’s duffel bag filled with his clothes at the bottom of the stairs (he’d deal with ALL of that mass of messy feelings later, thank you) and gone straight into the kitchen, washing his hands and putting on an apron and taking an inventory of the supplies his mom and sister had in their pantry and refrigerator.  Cooking was one of Harry’s true passions but there was something about baking, perhaps the leveling of measuring cups and the preciseness of it, that Harry found immensely soothing. He got a pound of butter out and set it on the counter to soften for baking sugar cookies later, but for his immediate need Harry settled on making an olive oil cake with almond flour and orange zest.</p>
<p>Just getting the stand mixer out from his mother’s cupboard and measuring almond and all-purpose flour into a bowl, Harry felt his pulse and heartbeat normalize and his ability to breathe properly return. And once Harry was in a rhythm, he found himself able to rationally think and analyze the events that had transpired that afternoon. Harry went over what he knew to be true about their situation.  For one thing, Harry was still desperately in love with Louis. Even after not seeing Louis in the flesh for months, Harry’s body and mind had reacted the same way it had always done where Louis was concerned. Looking at Louis was like feeling the sun on your skin after a long dark winter. Even though Louis had been angry and confrontational, Harry had found himself smiling with a burst of serotonin warmly flowing through his system because those were his body’s natural responses to being around Louis. Harry began zesting two navel oranges and let the scent from the citrus oil essence comfort him. He missed his husband desperately. If he had to choose the one thing he had missed the most about Louis, Harry would say he yearned for the conversations that he and Louis used to have. About anything and everything. Nothing and something.</p>
<p>Another thing that Harry now knew to be true was that Louis missed him more than he had let on or indicated in his actions over the past few months. The “sweater incident” as Harry was now calling it, proved that. Harry had been so shocked to find the sweater in the drawer the way he did, combined with Louis’s reaction and Harry’s own longing had made the whole circumstance muddled and confusing. Harry hadn’t reacted the way he’d wanted to or the way he thought he should, but he was determined to try and fix things with Louis.</p>
<p>His mom was right; Harry hadn’t been acting very fair and he needed to apologize, but he wasn’t sure where to begin. Maybe tonight’s festival committee meeting would be a good place to start. Louis would be forced to listen to him and at least try to put on a pleasant demeanor. Harry was just desperate enough to use that situation to his advantage. Harry poured the prepared cake batter into the bundt pan that he had just buttered and dusted with flour and placed it in the oven to bake for an hour. Maybe he should take the cake with him that night, Harry considered. Louis never could resist his baked goods; it was Harry's best chance.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Louis - Festival committee meeting gone wrong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was frustrated. This town Christmas festival committee meeting had not gotten off to a good start and Louis was already feeling like he was losing the team’s focus. If he was being honest, the committee’s enthusiasm had waned this whole year. Louis was trying not to take it as an insult or a knock on how he was doing as this year’s lead coordinator and understood that everyone missed his mom and this year was undoubtedly going to feel a little different with it being the first Christmas festival without Johanna. His mom had been the heart and soul of the town’s annual week-long holiday festival, even though she’d only ever run a couple of the merchandise booths and never facilitated the entire event, it had somehow always felt like she had. She had always helped whoever the town had put in charge, whether it was Harry or Cindy the mayor’s secretary, or any of the other folks that had headed the committee over the years.</p>
<p>Louis knew that the only reason that town had put him in charge of the festival this year was as an honor to his mother and probably because they expected Harry to influence his decisions. Louis had been flattered when the mayor had asked him earlier in the spring, but he’d gradually understood that they hadn’t really wanted <em>him</em> to coordinate anything; he was a leader in name only and someone who was just supposed to keep the meetings on track. And well, he wasn’t even doing a good job at that. And the handful of ideas that he’d had to try and change things up a little had been shot down.  His mom had been full of ideas and always had the energy to put behind them to get the things done. She’d had the energy until she didn’t; until cancer came swiftly and menacingly and Johanna was gone in a matter of weeks. Louis missed her now more than ever and after this afternoon’s row with Harry, he was even in more of a foul mood about this entire event. Was Harry even going to show up tonight? About 5 different people had already asked him whether Harry was back yet as if to say, “Louis you’ve done a crap job of this so far. When can Harry come and save it?”.</p>
<p>There were some days that Louis just wanted to scream at them, “HARRY IS OFF IN NYC BECOMING FAMOUS HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU OR THIS TOWN ANYMORE”, even though he knew that wasn’t true and he was being unfair to Harry. And if Louis’s behavior earlier that day had caused Harry to not want to participate in the festival planning, he wasn’t sure how he was going to explain it to the rest of the committee members. Louis picked up the gavel, which he’d never had the occasion to use before and tapped it on the lectern that he was standing behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay guys, let’s stop all the side conversations and get back to the issue at hand. We still need to figure out who’s going to drive the fire marshal’s car in the parade since Jim broke his foot.” Louis was just getting everyone’s eyes back on him when the door to the community center opened and Harry walked in like a literal breath of fresh air.</p>
<p>“Sorry sorry I know I’m late. I couldn’t find a cake safe, so I just carefully covered this plate with a ton of plastic wrap and slowly drove here. Now where can I put this? How many of you want a slice of cake now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry floated into the room all smiles but Louis could see the brittleness of his happy demeanor. He was sure he was the only one who could tell though as everyone else had jumped up with joy to greet Harry and be fed one of his lovely dessert creations. Of course Harry had brought cake. Louis rolled his eyes. He let them all say hi to Harry and congratulate him on various things and eat their cake and moan in delight about how tasty it was until he realized that they’d be there until 11pm at this rate if he didn’t get them back on track.</p>
<p>“Alright! Finish grabbing your cake and return to your seats. You all can catch up with Harry later. Right now we really do need to figure out these last minute logistics for the parade and opening night of the festival.” Louis tried to direct the room’s attention to the whiteboard with the long to-do list that they still needed to tackle. Louis caught eyes with Harry and Harry smiled sheepishly and sat in a chair close to where Louis was standing. Louis tried not to let that distract him and continued with the meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later almost all of the team’s to-do list had solutions, mostly due to Harry who had somehow inherited Johanna’s abilities even if her son Louis had not. Louis was feeling a mixture of relief, resentment and slight awe. Damn Harry for being so good at this. He was just bringing the meeting to a close when Cindy Hamilton the mayor’s secretary raised her hand to speak.</p>
<p>“Louis, you’ve taken on so much this year and you’ve been a real sport about it. I know this isn’t your comfort zone and we’re all grateful that you’ve been so patient with us as we’ve thrown ideas and logistical nightmares at you left and right. I think it would be wonderful if we elected Harry to help you with this last bit of coordination until the festival kick-off next week. That way you can have time to do the things that you really want.” Cindy laughed at this last part and the room chuckled along with her. Several people mumbled their agreement and a few clapped.</p>
<p>Harry looked up at Louis with embarrassment and bewilderment and shrugged.  Louis didn’t know what else to do but agree. “Sure, Cindy. I think adding Harry as a co-coordinator is a great idea. More hands on deck can only help things, right?” Louis hoped he sounded sincere.</p>
<p>“That’s great! This is going to be one of the best festivals we’ve ever had with you two wrapping up the last minute details.” Cindy gushed and again seemed to have the rest of the committee’s backing. A bit later after everyone else had gone home and only Harry was left to help Louis put the folding chairs and tables away in the storage closet, Harry broached the subject.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry if it’s awkward that they asked me to work with you on all of this. I’m happy to stay clear of it or help as much as you’d like me too. I can even take over these last tasks from you if you’ve got other priorities.”</p>
<p>“That’s why they wanted you to co-coordinate, isn’t it? They think I’ve done a terrible job but they’re too nice to say anything and they’re hoping that you can come in a save it all from becoming a disaster.”</p>
<p>“Oh Louis, no. That’s not it at all. From what I can see you’ve done a phenomenal job. Your mom would’ve been so proud.”</p>
<p>Louis blushed at this. “no, do you think so? I’ve felt completely overwhelmed and out of my league for months.”</p>
<p>“I mean every word. And I’m here for you to help in whatever way you want me to, on your terms. I don’t want to be difficult, Lou.” It sounded like Harry wanted to say something more but when he turned away suddenly focusing on wrapping up the rest of the cake he brought, Louis cleared his throat and said what he’d been wanting to for the past hour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about earlier today, Harry. I…I don’t have any excuses except that I wasn’t expecting to see you, especially not standing next to my dresser in our…my…in the bedroom. You had every right to be there and I know you weren’t doing anything wrong.”</p>
<p>“Thanks. And I’m sorry too. I should’ve called or texted you to let you know that I was grabbing some of my things. Why haven’t you put any of the Christmas decorations up yet, Lou?” Harry’s hand flew up to his mouth as if he hadn’t meant to ask that last part.</p>
<p>“What?” Louis’s voice sounded strangled.</p>
<p>“Um, I noticed that you didn’t have a tree up or any of the decorations and garlands out, no mistletoe anywhere…”</p>
<p>“Yeah with everything so busy around here, December just snuck up on me. And anyway it felt dumb to get a tree and all that. It’s only me in that big old house. I think it would feel lonelier if I went through all of the trouble of decorating for Christmas.”</p>
<p>Harry felt Louis’s sadness and couldn’t bear it. “But you’re spending lots of time with the family, right? Don’t you want to do something for them? For Arthur or the twins?”</p>
<p>“Eh, there’s plenty of all that at their house. They don’t need all of the Christmas things out when they come to our pl…my house.” Louis turned out the lights to the room and held open the door for Harry. He locked up and started heading towards the café where he’d left his truck parked. He turned when Harry called out to him.</p>
<p>“Louis? Can we get together sometime this week to talk?”</p>
<p>“About the tree lighting for the opening night of the festival?”</p>
<p>“Well yes that, but also other stuff. More important stuff. About us.” Harry looked so hopeful but also a little afraid that Louis would say no.</p>
<p>“Yeah okay Harry. I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Text me some times that you’re available.” Louis waited for Harry to confirm with a nod then he turned back and started walking again. His steps felt lighter than they’d felt in a long time.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Harry - A call from Lola!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry and Louis have to decide if they want to take advantage of an opportunity thrown their way.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CONFESSION - My work virtual holiday party was today and I...got a wee bit DRUNK. Sigh...so I wasn't able to finish typing up today's short chapter for posting.<br/>Because I've promised to post at least something each day, here is a little snippet. The entire Day 11 will be posted on Saturday, December 12, 2020 right before Louis's live concert!</p>
<p>Thanks for your patience and for continuing on this journey with me. xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the call came, Harry was sitting at his mother’s dining room table finishing addressing his personal holiday card envelopes. He had just been on the phone with his assistant Kendall and they had been discussing the Cranberry Lane© holiday cards that had gone out the week before and he was expecting a call back from her, so when his phone vibrated he picked it up and immediately started singing the Christmas song that he and Kendall had been struggling to remember 20 minutes before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…<em>simply having a wonderful Christmastime. Simply, having a wonderful Christmastime!”, </em>Harry barked melodiously into his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh wow. You really do go all out during the holidays, don’t you. I’ve heard of the Christmas spirit, but answering your phone singing a Christmas carol? That’s next level.”</p>
<p>Harry almost spit out the sip of tea he’d just taken. “LOLA?! Oh my gosh, sorry about that. I thought you were my assistant calling. I didn’t even look at the phone number.” He did so now and saw that it said ‘unknown’.</p>
<p>“Don’t apologize. You have a lovely voice.  If all of your Cranberry Lane ventures don’t work out maybe considered becoming a recording artist.” Lola’s signature voice was like velvet over the phone and the laugh that she added on the end sounded like a purr.</p>
<p>“Haha ha, thank you. But I only subject people to my singing at karaoke bars or in my car; or evidently if you work with me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry dear, you’re probably wondering why I’m calling. Here’s the deal – your stories about your hometown and Wareham’s holiday festival were so inspiring that I’ve decided that I want to send one of my production crews up there to film this week.”</p>
<p>“What? Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes, really. You painted such a lovely picture; I want to share this with my audience. My idea is to really show Wareham at its best. I really want that Cape Cod village feel. Maybe some behind-the-scenes stuff about the upcoming festival and what it means for the community. I also want to have Louis interviewed. People are dying to hear from and get to know your other half. So the camera crew will want lots of b-roll of the farm and cranberry bogs, and of course a few things of the Cranberry Lane™ Happy Couple in their home. People will eat that stuff up!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lola had been so enthusiastic and overwhelming (Camera crew?! Louis?! HAPPY COUPLE?) that Harry didn’t realize she had stopped talking until he heard his name being called.</p>
<p>“Gosh excuse me, Lola. I’m here. I heard everything you said. I’m…surprised, flattered to say the least. I…um…I don’t know…”</p>
<p>“Harry don’t tell me that you’re going to turn me down. This kind of opportunity doesn’t come around very often, if ever.”</p>
<p>“I realize that, Lola. And believe me, I’m grateful that you’ve offered, and I know the town, the mayor will be thrilled. Do you think the production crew would be okay with only featuring Wareham and the festival?”</p>
<p>“And not interview Louis? No I’m afraid Louis is definitely part of the deal, Harry. You wouldn’t believe how many emails and tweets we got asking about Louis. We have to give the audience what they want. And anyway, I’m sure Louis would love it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry was sure of no such thing. “Lola, do I have to give you my answer right away? I need to talk to Louis. I can’t just agree for him.”</p>
<p>“That will be fine. But don’t take too long, Harry. I’ll need a firm yes or no by tomorrow at noon.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Louis - not exactly ready for his closeup Mr. Demille</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Louis freaks out about his upcoming "Morning Today" segment filming.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was “brickin it” as his high school self would’ve said. God damn Harry and his charm and his dimples and his ability to get Louis to do anything or give him anything he wanted. And god damn Anne for telling half the town, including the mayor, about Lola Humphries’s call to Harry so that dozens of people were calling Louis and congratulating him, essentially guilting him into agreeing to the Morning Today production crew coming to Wareham, before he had even had a chance to digest the frantic call that Harry had made to him minutes after Lola and he had hung up. </p>
<p>Louis wasn’t sure he'd ever felt so much pressure in his life. He? Was going to be on national television? Talking about god knows what? What if he made a fool of himself? What if he somehow slipped and fell into the frozen bog on live television? Oh god, what if he forgot that he was supposed to be playing the role of the happy husband and let it slip that he and Harry were considering a divorce? <br/>Louis slapped his palm to his head; he’d rather trip and fall into the bog, thank you very much.</p>
<p>The crew, who they’d been told consisted of three people – a Amy, Brian and Jesy – would be at the farm in under an hour and Louis was positive he might die from nerves before then. He couldn’t decide where it would be best to meet the production team; outside somewhere or greet them at the front door of the house? Would the camera be rolling as soon as they stepped out of their van? Louis kept on putting on his hat and coat and going outside first pacing the porch, and then going down the stairs to the driveway, then walking more towards the barn but still in plain view once they drove in. He kind of wanted to keep them out of the house as much as possible. To Louis it was painfully obvious that only one sad person was living there. But maybe it would be better to start in the house and get the hard part out of the way first and then Louis could quickly usher everyone out and onto the farm for a tour? Wasn’t he creating a situation perfect for lingering if he invited them into the house after the tour? So then Louis would run inside, take off his coat and hat, fix his hair and fidget and worry some more. <br/>He did this back and forth, outside inside shuffle several times before yelling at himself to calm down and breathe or he was going to pass out. Just as he’d hung up his coat for the last time, his phone rang. It was Harry.</p>
<p>“Hiiiii”, Harry’s sigh came over the line.</p>
<p>“Harry, I swear to god, I’m losing it. What time were they supposed to be getting here again? 11? It’s 5 of now. Why am I sweating so much? Maybe I should change what I’m wearing?”</p>
<p>“What are you wearing?” Harry seemed to be asking innocently but Louis knew there was a right answer and a wrong answer. His husband could be judgmental to a fault.</p>
<p>“I’ve got on my dark blue cashmere turtleneck sweater with those grey heavy wool trousers I've got? And when we’re outside I’m throwing on that navy and green plaid wool jacket.”</p>
<p>“Oh! You look cute in that. I love that turtleneck on you.” Louis could clearly hear how pleased Harry was and he blushed at Harry’s praise.</p>
<p>“But what should I say to them Harry? You’re the one who’s good at this stuff. I just know I’m going to do something stupid.”</p>
<p>“Baby, you’re going to be fine. Remember that what they’re filming today is going to be edited into a package that Lola will show sometime this week. They don’t want you to look foolish as much as you don’t want to look foolish. They won’t let you mess anything up, I promise.”</p>
<p>“Oh…um okay.” Louis’s head was buzzing a bit from Harry letting that endearment slip. He was quite sure that Harry hadn’t intentionally called him “baby”.</p>
<p>“Call me after they’ve left and tell me EVERYTHING. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay, I will. And Harry? Thanks for talking me off the ledge there. I was losing it, big time.” Louis heard silence for a seconds and thought maybe Harry had gotten disconnected. But then Louis heard what might have been a deep inhale from Harry and Harry’s soft reply of, “You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>Louis felt the words ‘I love you, Harry’ stuck in his throat and then heard the crunch of tires on gravel outside. All of the anxiety he was feeling before about the production crew vanished; he’d never been more welcome for a reason to end a call before he made a clown of himself. </p>
<p>"Hey Harry they're here, I gotta go. Wish me luck."</p>
<p>"You're going to be great, Louis. I just know it."</p>
<p>"Thanks again. I'll talk to you later." Louis ended the call just as heard three pairs of feet walking across the front porch approaching the door. "Okay Tommo, you got this."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Harry - Ready to be a team again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was still holding his phone and staring at it, several minutes after his call had ended with Louis. HAD HE REALLY CALLED LOUIS, BABY? “Oh god!”, Harry moaned into his hands. Had Louis even acknowledged it? Harry couldn’t be sure, but he thought he’d heard Louis make a tiny gasp after Harry had slipped up and used the endearment. But so what if he had? That still didn’t give Harry any clue as to Louis’s state of mind. Harry had been convinced they were on better footing after the festival committee meeting. And the following day when he and Louis had grabbed coffee at Edith’s and worked out and finalized the complete layout of all of the merchandise booths and vendors on the master blueprint, Harry had felt elated. Louis had felt like his partner again; their rhythm fell back in sync like it’d never stopped.  </p>
<p>And then Lola’s call had come and thrown their whole charade into higher gear and Harry’s newfound connection and repair with Louis felt too fragile to sustain the next few weeks. Harry felt so helpless and his mind kept going back to the panic in Louis’s voice earlier about how he was going to handle the Morning Today production team. Before he could overthink it, Harry grabbed his coat, scarf and gloves and rushed out of his mom’s house, jumping into his car and heading to the farm. He had to help Louis. He couldn’t leave Louis all alone to handle this difficult plight.</p>
<p>When Harry got to the farm and parked, he could see that Louis and the three people making up Lola’s production team were filming at the bog. Harry trudged out there wishing he’d worn something else other than these Gucci boots on his feet. As he got closer, he could hear Louis explaining how the cranberry bogs worked and felt something stir within him. Geez, was Harry a sucker for Louis whenever he talked about farming or science. Louis was such a hot nerd.</p>
<p>As Harry stopped right behind the camerawoman, Louis was talking about how the cranberries are fertilized.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The plants are cultivated on a bed of sand that is laid on top of the peat moss in the bog to stimulate growth and keep weeds down. This time of year in winter, we flood the beds to protect the dormant cranberry root stems from frost damage. In the Spring the beds are drained again, and the cranberry flowers appear. When these flowers are fertilized they will produce the cranberries, which start out white and then turn red throughout the summer and autumn.”</p>
<p>Louis proceeded and Harry’s smile deepened. Harry knew he stood there looking like a besotted buffoon, but he couldn’t help it; he loved watching Louis come alive in his environment.</p>
<p>“Bogs are a source of the peat moss that often covers a lot of the bog’s surface area. See? Like that area over there?” Louis turned back towards the camera to address his “audience” while his arm swept across and pointed to the bog a few yards ahead of them. His smile faltered as he saw Harry but he carried on without a hitch and dragged his eyes away from Harry and back to the woman asking questions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does the peat moss have anything to do with how the cranberries grow?” The crew woman asked and then held the microphone out towards Louis who looked stiff for a minute before turning on his high-wattage smile again and answering.</p>
<p>“The moss decomposes slowly because of the wet conditions of the bog and that causes the water around it to become very acidic. And even though most plants can’t handle that kind of wet acidic ecosystem, for some reason cranberries grow really well in this environment…um…” Louis stuttered as his eyes went back to Harry who was still behind the crew but had drawn closer to them. The crew noticed the change in Louis and finally turned to see Harry. The woman holding the mic lit up with recognition and excitedly stepped towards Harry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry, how lovely of you to join us while Louis gives us the tour of the farm. This will actually be great for some of our shots, and then later maybe we can do an interview with the two of you.”</p>
<p>Harry paused before answering, looking to Louis to get his permission. When Louis nodded and smiled, Harry moved and greeted the three people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, I’m Harry. It’s lovely to meet you.” He shook all of their outstretched hands. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Let Louis finish telling you about how the cranberries grow and are harvested.” Harry gestured back to Louis and the bog behind him.</p>
<p>“Uh yeah, as I was saying”, Louis continued, “the cranberries flourish in these bogs because they’re shallow-rooted and tolerate all of the water that we flood the bogs with when the cold weather hits. The cranberry plants interact with the mycorrhizal fungi to access the limited nutrients in the soil…but uh yeah, it’s cold out here. Maybe we should move to the barn and finish the tour in there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis directed the film crew down the paved path towards the huge barn just east of the house. Harry started to hold back but when he saw that Louis was clearly waiting for him, Harry fell into step with Louis and waited to be included in the conversation even though he was dying to jump in and praise and compliment his husband. Louis deserved to be lauded and Harry wanted to make sure that everyone knew it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Louis - how can you mend a broken heart?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis couldn’t even begin to describe the intense mixture of emotions that he felt when he saw that Harry had come to support him during the interviews with the Morning Today crew. The biggest was relief and joy. Harry was there! He’d set aside his needs for Louis’s and he felt appreciated. Harry had heard the nervousness and fear in Louis’s voice when he’d called earlier, and Harry had understood how much Louis needed him. These feelings were combined with the affection and fondness for Harry that always existed within Louis; had been inside him since they were little kids. Louis somewhat worried that the only reason Harry had showed up was to help perpetuate the fabrication that they were a happy and thriving couple, but he had to admit that even if this were the case he didn’t really care. Harry was here, encouraging him and steadying him.</p>
<p>As Harry and the production crew entered the barn and workshop, Louis held back for a second to watch them. Harry was telling Jesy some amusing story about a cooking mishap, all expressive hands and dimples on full display. Louis’s fond smile dropped, and he felt a little of the resentment and envy that he had to be honest with himself, he had been feeling for several months. Louis hated that even this small part of him felt jealous of Harry. But he did, didn’t he? A part of him hated that Harry had become a star; a national phenomenon that everyone wanted a piece of. Cranberry Lane was both of theirs. They’d created and nurtured it together. Why shouldn’t, why couldn’t Louis be just as popular, just as wanted? He wanted the spotlight for once and he hated to admit this. Louis was also afraid that if he wasn’t this person that everyone wanted, maybe that meant that Harry also wouldn’t want him anymore. He wanted to be the object of Harry’s desire and attention. Was that selfish of him? Louis was broken out of his thoughts by Amy calling him over.</p>
<p>“Louis, Harry was just starting to tell us about this interesting machine over here. Come on over and show us what it’s all about.”</p>
<p>Louis happily walked over to the large fruit press that had been in his family for over 100 years. It looked like a gigantic wooden slatted basket on a thick wooden platform with a metal and wood arm coming out of the center of it that sort of resembled a corkscrew with its arms open; if that corkscrew had been hit with a ray gun and blown up to over 5ft tall. Amy pointed her microphone towards Louis. He fought the instinct to lean towards it because Amy had told him that the mic would pick up anything he said no matter where he stood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is Betsy, the fruit press that has been on this farm since 1906.”</p>
<p>“What does Betsy do?”</p>
<p>“She makes cranberry juice. Cranberries are loaded into the basket here and then this giant screw lowers this metal plate with applies pressure by forcing the plate down onto the fruit. The juice flows through the openings in the basket into the trough surrounding it and then collected in bottles and jars through the spigot there. This basket style press was the first type of mechanized press to be developed for making wine. Its basic design hasn’t changed for over a thousand years. My great great grandfather didn’t drink though and bought it for making cranberry juice for his family.” Louis looked up from where he’d crouched down to show the tap where the juice came out and caught Harry’s smile. He knew the next part of the story that he wanted to tell and hoped Harry would follow along.</p>
<p>“My grandfather got the bright idea to start selling the bottled cranberry juice once the farm started during tours in the 1960s. It was sold more as a novelty more than anything else because the raw juice was too sour and tart to actually drink straight.” Louis stood and started to walks towards a large table in the back of the barn that had a few appliances and apparatuses on it. “My mom continued the tours but stopped all of the tastings and selling juice. They focused almost solely on commercial production and sale of cranberries.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The kind that end up in cans and on my thanksgiving table?” Jesy piped up behind the camera she was wielding to ask.</p>
<p>“The very same. Although we don’t have anything to do with the stuff that’s like a weird jello blob with the lines from the can imprinted on it.” Louis laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then my brilliant husband had the bright idea about 10 years ago to start pressing juice again.” Harry interrupted and his face boasted the proudest grin. Did Louis ever look this besotted when he talked proudly of Harry’s accomplishments? It was endearing as hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now Harry, I can’t let you give me all of the credit. It was a joint project.” Louis turned from Harry back to Amy and the camera team. “Basically after the autumn and most of the harvesting was complete, there were still tours that happened on the weekends but there was also a lot of downtime. I was still just an apprentice and my mom and stepdad and their work team did most of the work. Harry and I had a lot of time in those winter months to experiment and play around with things.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We spent a few hundred dollars of our hard saved money and purchased some equipment including an industrial hot pad and pneumatic liquid filling machine from Amazon,” Harry continued, “and started trying things out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry would make simple syrups infused with different things like orange zest or apple juice, and I’d add those into the gallons of raw cranberry juice that I’d press, and we’d create something nice that people wanted to drink as samples after the tours. One day a woman asked if she could buy some and Harry and I looked at each other and thought, ‘why not’ and invested more money that we didn’t have into a fancy bottle distiller that could actually seal bottles so they could be sold and transported. Pretty soon we were selling a lot of our juice; along with the cakes and pastries Harry was making…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…and don’t forget your famous cranberry syrup. You came up with that all on your own.” Harry piped in, smiling directly into the camera.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And suddenly we were doing too much business to handle on our own in this converted barn.” Louis stopped abruptly and coughed into his hand. He was feeling like a panic attack was coming on and he wasn’t sure why. He needed Harry to carry on and finish telling the story for him. He prayed that Harry would figure this out. He needn’t have worried. Louis felt Harry’s large warm hand on his back and felt a steadying force flow through him; he was able to breathe normally again. He smiled a thanks at Harry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, so I looked for a space to lease in town and it took us over a year, but we were able to start our first Cranberry Lane Farm shop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And the rest is history.” Amy chimed in and seemed to indicate that their interview was over. “Thanks you two. Now I know what it means when they talk about couples finishing each other’s sentences. Your chemistry shines. You’re both adorable.” Louis shared a smile with Harry and rolled his eyes. If they only knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Amy, Jesy, and Brian packed up their gear and headed out to put it in their van. Louis really hoped that they didn’t want to come back inside the house to do anything more that day; he felt unsteady and still a little shaken from before. Once again it felt as if Harry was reading his mind because he saw him step forward to intercept Amy. It was all Louis could do to wave goodbye to the three and climb the steps of his house without collapsing with exhaustion? anxiety?, he couldn’t be sure.</p>
<p>A few minutes later Louis heard Harry walk in and then he was in the kitchen looking pleased with himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That went really well. They said they had lots to work with. I don’t know whether that means you’ll be featured in a long segment or not, but Amy and Brian said they were very pleased.”</p>
<p>“Good good. Great.” Louis mumbled as he turned off the electric kettle and pulled down a mug to make himself some tea.</p>
<p>“Louis, what’s wrong? I sort of sensed…out in the barn it seemed like maybe you…I hope I didn’t overstep or like take over your interview?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis turned around to face Harry. “Harry…I…okay, I’ll be honest. When you first got here I was like, ‘oh here we go, he builds this whole thing up he builds me up saying that Lola Humphries and her audience are dying to get to know me and yet here he is grabbing the spotlight again’. That’s what I thought – Harry has come to eclipse me again. And that was scary, y’know? Because for months I’ve been telling myself that I never wanted any of this fame and fortune and worldwide success. That it was all you, and that you and your ambition were ruining our marriage. But maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe I wanted all the things you wanted but I wanted to share them with you.” Louis turned back to his tea; he couldn’t say the next bit to Harry’s face.</p>
<p>“And then in the barn when we were talking about the old days and like Amy said, we were finishing each other’s sentences and laughing and having fun together for the first time in ages, and as I got to the part where we started the first store I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was having a stupid panic attack out of nowhere, and yes I’ve been having them a lot since this past year especially since Fizzie died but usually I’m alone or I’m able to control them better. And today I couldn’t. But somehow you knew that, and you took the interview over and were perfect as usual. So now I feel confused and fucking exhausted. Confused about my feelings for you and what I want for us moving forward. And I’m exhausted thinking about all of the pretending and fake smiling and everything else that I’m…that we’re going to have to do for the next few weeks. Jesus Harry, aren’t you tired?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis sensed Harry coming up behind him and then Harry’s hand squeezed his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Lou, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. Everything? I’m sorry you’ve been having panic attacks. I’m sorry for making you feel less than when you’ve always been the most important thing to me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you the way I should have been; I called myself ‘letting you grieve’, but what I really did was let you close up and stop talking to me and I shouldn’t have let that happen. You lost your mom and then your sister and I was so broken up for you, but I kept on giving you space without actually asking you if space was what you needed. Can we try to fix this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis turned around but now Harry was too close; it felt very easy to kiss him. Too easy. He stepped to the right and walked to the sink and looked out of the window there.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if we can fix us, Harry. It may be too late. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I can respect that. I…I’d just like for you to maybe give us a chance to try. I’ll give you some time; I’ll give you all the time you need to think about it.” Harry walked backwards a few strides and then turned, grabbed his coat from the hook and left, closing the front door with a quiet click.</p>
<p>Louis again waited until he could hear Harry’s car leaving before he allowed himself to cry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Harry - surprise at the Christmas festival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A surprise guest at the festival changes things for Harry and Louis.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The opening day of this year’s Christmas festival was going great. Louis’s <em>Morning Today</em> segment had run the day before, and Harry didn’t have the attendance numbers from the mayor’s office yet, but he was positive that there were hundreds more people in the crowds than in previous years. Harry was proud that Louis and he might have had something to do with this.</p><p>Harry, his mom and his niece Olivia had watched Louis’s piece yesterday morning still in the pajamas cuddled on the couch with mugs of tea. The production team had edited things well and Harry was pleased to see that he was barely included in the segment; just a little bit at the end when he and Louis had been so in sync while talking about the early years of their marriage. Harry knew he’d sat on Anne’s couch grinning like an idiot the whole time, in fact had been teased by his mom for it, but he couldn’t help it. Louis was someone that was made for television. He gave off an aura or an energy; something that made you trust him and want to pay attention to him. Louis explained things well. He had a great ability to break complex subjects down so that they were easier to understand. Harry was quite sure that by the end of the interview he wasn’t the only person watching who was turned on by Louis’s science talk.</p><p>And evidently the Morning Today piece had inspired people to come check out Wareham to see how the town celebrated the holidays. The parade that morning had been a big hit, and as Harry now walked through the holiday market with dozens of booths set up inside the festively decorated town hall building, he could see tourists mingling and buying lots of food and wares.  As Harry moved through the event space he stopped and chatted with various people, smiled and nodded at others, all the while his eyes were scanning for one person - Louis.</p><p>They hadn’t really seen or spoke to each other since that fateful conversation in the kitchen after the film shoot. They’d both been present at the final festival committee meeting a few days ago but Harry hadn’t had a chance to talk to Louis, at least not alone. He’d left a few voicemails for Louis and sent a couple of texts, but the only reply he’d gotten was to his congratulatory text that he’d sent Louis after the segment had run. Louis had messaged back a simple ‘thank you’. Harry had even peppered Lottie with almost daily questions as to whether Louis was okay, ending after Lottie had texted back in all caps one afternoon, I DON’T KNOW HARRY HE’S YOUR HUSBAND ASK HIM.</p><p> </p><p>Harry knew that Louis was here somewhere at the festival and knew that he was scheduled to see him at the town’s Christmas tree lighting that night, but he’d begun to worry that Louis was avoiding him in such a way that he might have handed his ceremony duties over to the mayor or one of the council members. So Harry bargained that his best chance was to catch Louis by surprise; “accidentally” run into him walking around the vendors. Harry tried the Cranberry Lane stalls first, but after he said hello and engaged in some chit chat with Kara and Jordan and a few customers the pointed look on Lottie’s face told him not to ask about Louis’s whereabouts. Harry had just turned the corner to head back towards the entrance when he saw a large crowd milling ahead and heard quite a lot of excited chatter. Harry soon learned what all the fuss was about when he heard her signature laugh and saw her perfectly coiffed chestnut hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Lola Humphries?!” Harry yelped.</p><p> </p><p>“Harry! I’ve been looking for you and that lovely husband of yours.” Lola waved and beckoned Harry over while two large men whom Harry assumed were Lola’s bodyguards held back the large crowd that had gathered around her.</p><p> </p><p>“Lola, what on earth are you doing in Wareham?”</p><p> </p><p>“Surprise! After the successful ratings that you and Louis generated and there being so much buzz about Wareham’s holiday festival I decided to come and see the magic for myself. And I haven’t been disappointed. It’s wonderful.” Lola Humphries had a way of speaking and projecting that made it seem like she was addressing a huge room of people whether she was speaking to you one on one or one of her studio audiences. Harry realized that this was the exact opposite of how Louis made him feel and he acutely missed him even more.</p><p> </p><p>“But where is Louis?” Lola asked. “I thought for sure I’d find you two glued together and walking around like the kings of the festival that you obviously are.”</p><p> </p><p>“Here I am!” Harry turned around at the sound of Louis’s voice with his mouth agape. So much for Harry surprising <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Ms. Humphries. It’s lovely to finally get to meet you in person.” Louis took Lola’s outstretched hand and actually brought it to his lips like some sort of dashing silent film star. Harry knew that his mouth was still hanging open in shock, but he couldn’t help it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh so charming. Now I know why Harry’s been so smitten all these years.” Lola gushed.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww shucks, Ms. Humphries. But I overheard what you said just now about Harry and I being the kings of the holiday festival and that’s just not true.”</p><p>Harry’s heart sank; dear lord was Louis about to reveal the secret about their separation to Lola Humphries of all people?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Do tell, Louis.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis leaned in conspiratorially and said, “the truth is that the town itself is the king, or queen, whichever you prefer. It’s not just one or two people that make this festival shine, it’s everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Louis my dear, that’s fabulous. I only wish that I’d had a crew with me to film it. Come on, take me around and show me all of the wonderful things Wareham has to offer.” Lola took Louis’s offered arm and they started walking along, she smiling and waving to people in the crowd like she was a visiting dignitary, which Harry supposed she sort of was. One of Lola’s security people tapped Harry on his shoulder and motioned for him to move along to follow them.</p><p> </p><p>Hours later after the successful tree lighting and Harry felt that his face might fall off he’d smiled so much, he and Lola were discussing the best way to make mulled cider while they waited for Louis to return with their hot cocoas.</p><p>“Here you go.” Louis walked towards them holding a cardboard tray with 3 steaming paper cups. “Lola, here is your peppermint cocoa. And one with extra whipped cream for Harry.” Louis handed each of them a sleeved cup before taking his out and putting the tray in the recycling bin nearby.</p><p>“Louis, what did you get?” Lola inquired before taking a long sip of hers.</p><p>“Eggnog.” Harry chimed in before Louis had a chance to answer. Louis smiled at him and it felt like the first genuine acknowledgment that Louis had given Harry this whole day. Harry smiled back.</p><p> </p><p>Just then Lola’s phone rang and she stepped aside to answer. Harry and Louis stood a bit awkwardly smiling shyly at each other and sipping their cocoas. Harry felt like he was snapping out of a daze when Lola came back over to them.</p><p>“Darlings I need your help. I had so much fun today, that I’ve decided I want to stay for the full week of the festival and do my show from Wareham. But here’s the problem – I can’t find any available hotel accommodations anywhere on the Cape. I think your segments on my show might have backfired because Wareham has become such a popular destination this week that there’s no place to stay. My assistant has found the last set of rooms at a Ramada Inn in Plymouth for Keith and Dwayne here, and for the small production team that will be arriving tomorrow” Lola indicated her bodyguards with a wave of her hand, “but there’s nothing for me. Can you think of any bed and breakfasts or Airbnb rentals that I don’t know about?”</p><p> </p><p>“You can stay in one of our guest rooms!” Harry exclaimed, and then immediately clomped his hands over his mouth in horror. What had he just done?</p><p> </p><p>Louis’s high pitched squeak of “WHAT?!” clued Harry in just how badly he’d messed up.</p><p> </p><p>Lola didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. “Really? Could I really? Oh Harry, Louis that would be wonderful. Are you sure I wouldn’t be inconveniencing you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No…?” Harry hedged.</p><p> </p><p>“But Lola, our house isn’t at all up to the level of sophistication and opulence that I’m sure your accustomed to.” Louis threw a panicked look to Harry. His eyes said HELP GET US OUT OF THIS MESS.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh yee..ess, Lola. I probably spoke too soon. The house isn’t set up for guests. Louis and I have been so busy preparing for the Christmas festival, we haven’t done any sort of decorating or even anything more than cursory cleaning for the past few weeks.” Harry smiled at Lola but he knew it probably looked more like a grimace.</p><p> </p><p>“I get it. My own house this time of year would shock my viewers because of its lack of holiday décor. I typically spend the holidays with my brother and his family in upstate New York, so I don’t typically do anything to my penthouse. But I know your house will be splendid. I have no expectations or assumptions.”</p><p>Harry made a noise that could’ve been a protest or an agreement. Louis’s face still looked like he’d been slapped.</p><p> </p><p>“Louis I can see that you’re still concerned,” Lola continued, “so how about this compromise  - I’ll have my assistant still actively look for any feasible hotel rooms that will work for me, and hopefully I’ll only be in your hair for a couple of days. Deal?” Lola’s heavily mascaraed eyes batted at Louis. Harry wasn’t sure that tactic would work on his husband.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Lola you have a deal. As long as you lower your expectations down, way way down, and don’t mind a queen sized bed with old handmade quilts from our grandmothers instead of fancy bedding, you’re more than welcome to stay with me. I mean with us.” Louis finished with a sigh that to Harry sounded defeated.</p><p> </p><p>“Fantastic. Well, lead the way. Dwayne and Keith will follow to the house and drop me off before driving to Plymouth.”</p><p>Harry and Louis turned and headed towards their parked cars. How the hell were they going to pull this off? Louis had agreed to this crazy thing and had saved Harry’s ass again and he wasn’t sure how he was going to repay him.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Louis - Time to panic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The minute Louis and Harry got to the town hall parking lot they exchanged an unspoken agreement that Harry would stall Lola and her drivers for as long as he could. Louis jumped in his pickup and pulled out of the lot with a screech racing home. When Louis pulled up to the house he immediately tried to do an inventory of all that needed to be done. 1. Turn porch Christmas lights on. Thank god he’d taken his stepfather’s offer to string lights all along the wrap-around porch, because at least it would make the outside of the house look halfway decent. Louis ran up the steps and into the house turning on lights as he went. Number 2. - what the heck was he going to do about the lack of anything even remotely Christmas in this house?</p>
<p>“Well at least I can start a fire and make it feel somewhat cozy in here.” Louis said out loud to the empty and chilled room. He really should’ve redone the insulation on the windows a couple of months ago. He set to work getting kindling and newspaper lit under the three logs that he already had set in the fireplace. While he did this he thought about the remaining tasks he’d need to do tonight. 3. Make sure that there were fresh towels and a selection of bath products in the small en suite in the guest room.  He had just changed the bed linens a few days before after the kids had stayed over on Sunday, so at least that was done. Louis was still freaking out and feeling super self-conscious about the fact that LOLA FUCKING HUMPHRIES was going to be his houseguest for the next several days. What was he going to do? Oh god, what were <em>THEY</em> going to do, because fuck, Harry was going to have to move back in wasn’t he? Louis cursed and squawked in frustration as he ran upstairs to get things ready.</p>
<p>Louis went to the linen closet first and examined the contents there. Bless Harry for always being the lovable weirdo he was and constantly buying nice sets of thick and fluffy towels. Louis pulled down a set of forest green ones. On the floor of the closet were two old and slightly dusty cellophane wrapped gift baskets that contained a variety of Cranberry Lane products. Louis tore off the wrapping for one, sneezing twice in the process as he sent dust floating around him. There was cranberry soap, lotion, bath salts and a candle in the basket and he determined it would do. Louis placed the basket of toiletries and the towels in the guest bedroom and was just about to head back downstairs before he reminded himself once again that Harry was going to be sharing a bedroom with him again. He turned around headed down the hall to <strike>his</strike>, their, room. Oof, Louis thought as he opened the door, he really had been living like a slob for the past week. There were discarded clothes scattered about and he rushed through the room picking things up and then shoving them into the hamper in the bathroom. Louis heard the front door open and Harry and Lola’s voices and anxiously looked around to see if he needed to do anything else. The bed was made thanks to the habit that Louis had adopted from Harry years ago when they were started dating of always making the bed each morning no matter what. Louis finally dragged the inflatable twin mattress out of the closet to set it up for later. He’d sleep on the floor tonight.</p>
<p>Louis descended the stairs just as Harry was telling Lola that they hadn’t had a chance to get their Christmas tree yet or do any decorating.</p>
<p>“I have a plan for that.” Louis announced as he walked into the living room. “! can go to Nelson’s Tree Farm tomorrow before lunch while you’re giving Lola the tour of Wareham. And then we can dress the tree together tomorrow night. Maybe we can invite the family over?”</p>
<p>“That sounds wonderful, Louis. I can’t wait to meet the family that you both speak so fondly of.” Lola smiled.</p>
<p>“Thanks Lou, that sounds like a nice plan. I’ll text mom and Gemma. And I can also call Lottie if you haven’t already?”</p>
<p>“That would be great, Harry.” Louis felt an awkward silence fall. “Okay, well I’m bushed. I’m going to turn in. Lola, I put fresh towels and some other items in the room where you’ll be. Harry, will you show her? Okay, g’night.” Louis turned right back around to head back upstairs. He knew he was leaving Harry on his own and in a slightly uncomfortable position, but he couldn’t help it. His anxiety was at a peak and he felt like he might pass out.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Harry - Brand New Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he began to wake but was in that space between slumber and cognizance and before he opened his eyes, the first thing that Harry became aware of was that sunlight was not hitting his face. It was one of the things he hated most about living temporarily with his mother. The guestroom that was his was the smallest and with the least amount of natural light except for first thing in the morning when the sun would beam directly into the cold and poky room on the northeast side of his mom’s house. The double bed could only fit in one space in the room and the gauze curtains that Anne had put up did nothing to block the sunlight. But on this morning, not feeling the sun’s intensity at first alarmed Harry and made him think that maybe he had overslept. But in that millisecond of panic the next thing that Harry felt was a nice warmth and a comforting weight across his middle. Had one of the cats climbed on top of him during the night? And then as he slowly opened his eyes, the last 12 hours rushed back into his brain. Him opening his big mouth and offering their house to Lola Humphries! He and Louis being forced to not only move back in together and act happily married, but also to share a bedroom!</p>
<p>Sharing a bed had not been on the agenda. When Harry had finally turned in after chatting a little more with Lola in front of the fire and showing her where she’d be staying, Louis was just finishing setting up the inflatable mattress on the floor with blankets and a pillow. Louis was also freshly showered and wearing pj bottoms and a long sleeved tshirt that clung to his somewhat shower damp body, and Harry had to force himself to stop staring at his husband’s ass.</p>
<p>Louis coughed, “unh cuh eyes up here, Styles.”</p>
<p>Harry blushed and looked up guiltily. “uh haha ha um can I borrow a tee and some shorts or sweatpants?”</p>
<p>“Yeah sure. I figured you’d need some, so I put stuff on the bed there.” Louis pointed to the bottom of the bed. “And there’s a new toothbrush by the sink and a set of towels in there for you.” Louis waved towards the bathroom. “Take your time but I’m going to go ahead and turn the lights off except this one on your si…that side of the bed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry silently stood clutching the pajamas to his chest. He didn’t even begin to know what to say. “Louis, you don’t have to take the blow up mattress on the floor, it was my stupid mouth that got us into this mess and you shouldn’t have to give up your bed because of it.”</p>
<p>“Harry don’t be ridiculous, you know your bad back won’t survive a night sleeping on this. Just take the bed. I bet the Mariner Resort will have a few suites open up on Monday that’ll be perfect for Lola, so we won’t have to worry about this for long anyway. Now I’ve got to get some sleep. Dan and I have to get the crew out early to finish ice sanding the north bog.” Louis made his point that he was done talking to Harry by turning the lamps near him off, crawling under the covers on the mattress, and turning on his side away from Harry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry stood for another few seconds feeling muddle-headed and silly before finally going to the bathroom and shutting the door quietly. He leaned back heavily against the door and sighed. Oh how he missed this bathroom. It wasn’t huge; neither of the two bathrooms that they had added to the house when Louis and he had remodeled the old Victorian over a decade ago were large or ostentatious. They didn’t have double vanities or fancy electronic doodads everywhere. But what this bathroom did have was elegance and a comfortable grace. The green and blue tile that Harry had found in a small design store in Provincetown shone up at him the vanity was an old antique dresser that Harry had retrofitted to put a marble sink in. They’d decided to add both a smaller shower that still comfortably fit two people and what Harry considered the best part of maybe the entire house, a giant and deep clawfoot tub that Louis had painted a blue to match the color in the tiles and that Harry thought matched the color of Louis’s eyes. The bathroom was still a little warm and smelled of the apple bodywash that Louis liked. Harry decided on a whim to take a bath; so what if it was almost midnight.</p>
<p>After the tub had been filled with water just this side of too hot, the way Harry liked it, and he’d added some lavender oil and a capful of Epsom salts, Harry slowly sank under the water and almost moaned in ecstasy. The bathtub in Anne’s house wasn’t nearly as nice and the Manhattan apartment didn’t have one at all and Harry realized that the last time he’d enjoyed a bath was right here, over a year before. If he had known during that previous bath that things would blow up and go so wrong he definitely would’ve done things differently. Louis opening up to him the week before had made him see clearly how foolish and misguided he’d been, and he definitely wanted to make adjustments and clearly communicate with Louis to get them back on track. Harry knew that he’d have to go slow with Louis, but he was willing to make any sacrifices that he needed to get back to when they were good. Even if that meant stepping away or even selling Cranberry Lane. Harry shook those thoughts out of his head for now. Baby steps. He needed to get through these next few days with Louis and this whole façade with Lola first. Harry leaned back and rested his head on the lip of the tub and deeply breathed in the soothing atmosphere around him.</p>
<p>If was much later after Harry had dried off and brushed his teeth with the brand new toothbrush that Louis had clearly bought for his youngest sister, judging by the Elsa emblazoned on the handle, he tucked himself into the bed that he and Louis had picked and worried about affording all those years ago. Now they could afford dozens of these sumptuous mattresses, in fact were probably due for a new one soon, but it felt like heaven to Harry to be back where he belonged in this bed, even if it was only for a few nights and his husband was sleeping on the floor. Just as Harry was falling asleep he heard a *thunk* and a mumbled curse come from the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Louis?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“uh yeah, go back to sleep Harry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not asleep yet and what’s wrong?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing. It’s just this stupid blow up piece of shit.” Louis mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Is the mattress leaking?” Harry sat up fully and looked down to where Louis was on his knees fiddling with the seam of the inflatable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s fine. Just lay back down.” Louis sounded irritable and exhausted.</p>
<p>Harry made a decision. “Louis, stop messing with that. It’s busted. I think it’s had a leak for years. I don’t know why we haven’t thrown it away and bought a new one. Come up here and sleep in this bed. It’s a king size bed; there’s plenty of room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what size the damn bed is, Harry. I’ve slept in it for 10 years, remember?” Louis snapped but then rubbed his eyes with his fists and let out a long sigh. “Sorry. I’m just fucking annoyed at this thing.” He stood and kicked at the pile of now completely deflated plastic. “You’re right, I knew it had a leak but I kept forgetting to patch it, or yeah buy a new one.” Louis looked chagrined even with just the moon lighting the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry patted the bed with his left hand. “Come on, get in. You need sleep. You have to be awake in a few hours and hey, I promise not to touch you.” Harry wiggled his eyebrows hoping to make a joke and was pleased with he saw Louis smile. The last thing Harry thought as Louis settled under the down comforter with his back to him, was that even though Louis was lying over two feet away from him, it was still the closest and safest he’d felt in months.</p>
<p>Now five hours later Harry relished knowing that Louis had given into old habits with Harry and had cuddled him close in his sleep. Harry had just snuggled back an inch and closed his eyes content to slumber more when he heard Louis’s phone alarm go off. Harry felt Louis wake behind him squeezing him closer for a second before Louis seemed to come to his senses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh god. Uh, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean…sorry.” Louis scooted away and yanked back the covers to hop up.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Louis. It’s fine. It was nice.” Harry turned on his back and smiled at Louis.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis returned his smile for a second before shaking his hands like he was trying to fling something off them. “I’m late. Gotta go meet Dan and the guys.” Louis grabbed his jeans of the chair and opened his drawer to pull out some underwear and a shirt. He hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door to change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry sighed heavily and turned back on his side pulling the comforter over his head. It was going to be a long road ahead to get back to the way things were with Louis. Baby steps.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Louis - trying to find his way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis closed his bedroom close and collapsed against it. His face hurt from forcing a smile all day and he was bone tired, but all in all he thought that he and Harry had gotten through the day pretty well. But ACK! Louis was still so mortified about that morning. Spooning Harry and nuzzling cozily into his hair like the last 11 months hadn’t happened and Harry hadn’t broken him. It was true that Louis was having a harder and harder time being angry at Harry, but he wasn’t able to forgive him yet and although he knew that he seriously needed to sit down and talk about things, he couldn’t conceivably see he and Harry having time to do so before the new year.</p><p>For now Louis could only focus on getting through each day with his heart (and mind) intact. And figuring out a way to keep off of Harry in bed. Maybe he could build a pillow fort between them later that night. Louis drowsily stumbled to the bed and faceplanted down on it. He’d just finished dragging the tree that Lola had helped him pick out at the Christmas tree farm in Yarmouth that they’d gone to, and he’d set it up along with putting a wreath on the front door. His little sister and brother Doris and Ernest were coming over later along with Harry’s niece Olivia to help decorate the tree, hang up stockings and bake more holiday cookies with Harry. Louis contemplated if he had enough time to take a nap before everyone came over; he looked at his watch and determined that he probably had about 40 minutes, so he scooted up the bed, curled up on his side and fell asleep as soon as his eyes closed.</p><p> </p><p>When Louis woke some time later he knew that he had slept for longer than he planned because the bedroom was pitch black. He could hear muted music and people talking and laughing. He sat up and rubbed his tired eyes and went to the bathroom. His hair was pushed up flat on the side he’d been sleeping on and he tried to fix it with a little water and combing his fingers through it to no avail. Oh well, he didn’t think there’d by any camera crews filming him and his annoying cowlicks unlike earlier that day when Louis had felt like he kept tripping over the production crew members.</p><p>Louis went down the stairs and stopped on the bottom landing relishing the moment for a minute of not being noticed. Everyone was in the kitchen; Harry and the three kids were each in aprons and crowded around the large professional size KitchenAid mixer. Harry was instructing them about the importance of adding the eggs one at a time. Louis heard his brother Ernie question why while Doris pulled on Harry’s other arm to ask when the sprinkles went in and Olivia kept trying to shove the rubber spatula into the bowl while the mixer paddle was going. Louis smiled at how Harry patient he was with each of them. Lola was sat on the other side of the island, completely charmed by the family scene in front of her, probably trying to figure out if she could have Harry recreate it later so she could film it and monetize it in some way. Louis rolled his eyes; he wasn’t being fair to their houseguest, but he couldn’t help it. She could be annoying. He turned his attention back to Harry and the kids. Sometimes squeezed at Louis’s heart a bit when he thought about how much he’d wanted he and Harry to adopt a bunch a children and have this kind of moment all the time. What would happen to that dream now if he and Harry permanently split. Harry deserved babies. So did he.</p><p> </p><p>Louis was broken out of his thoughts by his sister Doris giddily calling out to him with the nickname she’d given him when she was 2. “Achoo! Come see! We’re making more Christmas cookies. And I think these might even turn out better than the ones we made with you.”</p><p>Louis jumped down the rest of the stairs and skipped into the kitchen making threatening grabby tickle hands and laughing at Doris and Olivia’s shrieks of joy. Harry laughed and beamed a smile down at them as Louis bent to hug the girls and then reached around to ruffle Ernie’s hair affectionately. Louis would put aside sad and difficult thoughts for tonight. There’d be plenty of time to deal with all of that later.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Harry - sentimental time of year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was having one of the nicest evenings he could remember. His niece Olivia and Louis’s youngest siblings Doris and Ernie had been there for hours, first baking Christmas cookies and tarts and homemade pizza for dinner and now helping decorate the tree that Louis had purchased earlier with Lola and her film crew in tow. Even things with Louis felt good; the best they’d felt in a long time. Louis had a way with children; it was a skill that he’d acquired being the oldest of seven and having to help his mother take care of his siblings since he was 8. Children loved Louis. Maybe there was something in his Peter Pan essence that they could pick up on and relate to.</p>
<p>He looked over to where Louis was crouched in front of the fireplace with his little brother kneeling by his side and looking at Louis like he hung the moon. Louis was teaching Ernie how to start and stoke a fire and was being so patient as usual with all of Ernie’s questions and his appeals to put the logs on the fire himself even though it was still too dangerous for him to do it. Looking at them, Harry’s smile turned sentimental and a little melancholy. This should be Louis and <em>their </em>child; Harry had imagined having moments like this with Louis and the kids that they’d adopt or have with a surrogate for so long. When had Harry set aside this dream? When had he put it on the backburner behind his career ambitions? It was just one more realization that was throwing Harry off-kilter and making him feel like he’d made all the wrong decisions over the past couple of years. It was just another example of his selfishness.</p>
<p>Harry turned his attention back to the tree and to Doris and Olivia’s progress trimming it. Harry had shown the girls how important it was to put the larger and heavier ornaments on the bottom branches of the tree but beyond that he had encouraged them to do whatever else they wanted, and thought would be pretty. He saw that when he wasn’t paying attention the girls had (with Lola’s guidance) gone for a rainbow affect, grouping similar colored ornaments together and working in an order up the tree. He looked down at the bronze colored ornament that he was holding and wondered where he should place it.</p>
<p>“Here Olivia, take this one and put it where you think it goes best. I’m going to work putting out some of the other decorations on the mantel and the table under the window.”</p>
<p>“Uncle Harry, you’ll still help Doris and I put the angel on top of the tree, right? We need you to do it because you’re the tallest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olivia, I can help if your uncle Harry is busy doing something else.” Louis offered.</p>
<p>“You’re too short, Uncle Lou.” Olivia said unmaliciously.</p>
<p>“Yeah Achoo, Harry should do it so you don’t need to get a ladder out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry snorted a laugh as Louis protested. “Hey! I’m not that short, I’m big.” This produced laughter from everyone in the room, even Lola. Louis grumbled in frustration and turned back to poke at the fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry bent over the enormous plastic bin that held all of their Christmas decorations and finery and pushed various things aside looking for one particular wooden box and being unsuccessful in finding it.</p>
<p>“Louis? Where’s the nativity box? I can’t find it in here anywhere. And before you suggest it, I’ve already looked in the credenza and in the garage. I thought for sure it’d be in here with the ornaments and stuff.” Harry continued moving items around in the bin even though he knew what he was looking for wasn’t in there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis was silent for several seconds. Harry looked up from the bin in time to see Louis turn his head away towards the fire. Was he avoiding Harry’s question? Harry furrowed his brow in confusion and shared a look with Lola. He tried to plaster a smile on then; there was something clearly wrong, but Harry definitely didn’t want Lola picking up on it. What should he do? Change the subject? Distract everyone by suggesting they watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas? Harry started to suggest just that when Louis abruptly stood up and ran up the stairs. Harry felt three pairs of perplexed eyes on him and he laughed nervously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“guys let’s go into the sitting room and put on The Grinch, huh. We’ve already got the room set up with pillows and your sleeping bags, so why don’t you change into your pjs and then you can get settled for bed while you watch.” Harry tried to gather the three kids and usher them out of the living room.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to go to sleep right away after The Grinch do we? Only babies have to go to bed before 9. We’re old enough to stay up.” Ernest made his case with crossed arms and a stubborn pout.</p>
<p>“yes yes you can stay up”, Harry rolled his eyes knowing that all three of the kids would probably fall asleep before Cindy Lou Who even caught Mr. Grinch taking the tree.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fifteen minutes later after making sure the kids were changed and their teeth had been brushed, Harry headed back to the living room realizing that he’d been a terrible host and had just left Lola on her own with her glass of what was probably now very flat champagne. But as he approached the room he heard Louis and Lola’s voices, and then he saw that Louis had the nativity scene box and was gently lifting the pieces out and showing them to Lola. Where had the box been? Had Louis hidden it?</p>
<p>“We got this set in this small village in the mountains of Provence in Seguret, France. It’s one of Harry’s favorite things about Christmas.” Louis explained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s one of my favorite things, period.” Harry corrected as he walked back into the room. Louis looked up at from his seat on the couch and started to smile but then seemed to think better of it and the small smile fell from his face. Harry saw true sadness in Louis’s expression and was overcome with the desire to comfort him. But he also recognized the fragility of the moment, so he just walked over to where Doris had left the angel on the velvet tree skirt for him, so Harry took the opportunity to not say any of the things his brain was dying to make his mouth utter.</p>
<p>“Um if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to put away some dishes and appliances and start another load in the dishwasher.” Louis offered to take Lola’s empty champagne flute with him and disappeared towards the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This nativity is gorgeous, Harry.” He heard Lola say behind him as he stood on his toes to situate the angel properly on the top branch of the tree. He was glad that Louis had chosen a Noble fir; its branches showed off the ornaments and lights the best. Harry slowly turned back towards Lola and smiled. He stepped over to where the nativity box was set on the coffee table and sat on the ground before it.</p>
<p>“I heard Louis tell you that we bought the scene in Seguret, but did he tell you the whole story?” Lola shook her head.</p>
<p>“Well. Way back in high school during Spring break of our junior year, members of our class got to go on a trip to the Provencal region of France.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that is absolutely my favorite area in France. In fact, I own a small villa in southern Provence in Istres.” Lola gushed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That sounds lovely. On this history class trip we went to all of the old towns looking at medieval structures and 10<sup>th</sup> century churches etc. and at one point we went to this village up in the hills that was basically built into the side of a cliff. Above the village were the remnants of a 6<sup>th</sup> century feudal chateau but walking around those ruins were boring, so Louis and I snuck off and went down into Seguret to explore. I fell in love with the charming little houses and the beauty everywhere you turned. Louis and I just walked around for a good 30 minutes before stumbling upon a man carving small wooden figurines sitting outside of his shop. He asked in broken English if we were Americans and when we confirmed we were he called us over to show us what he was making. It was a nativity scene. He explained that artisans had been making nativity scenes in Seguret for hundreds of years. And that in fact this village was renowned for their nativity art. He invited us into his tiny shop and I fell in love with everything I saw. Enthralled, I kept on reverently picking up little Marys, Josephs, baby Jesuses and animals carved from different types of wood, paper, made from clay and porcelain. We were teenagers from a small American town who didn’t have a lot of money, especially not to spend on nativity scenes that would surely get damaged getting banged around in a bus traveling through southern France. When it was time for Louis and I to go and meet up with our school group at the bus, I nearly cried because I wanted so much to take away some piece of that magical place because I knew I’d never come back. Louis sent me on and said that he had to use the bathroom. Later on after we’d been on the bus for a bit heading farther south and I was depressingly looking out the window at the scenery along the small highway, Louis tapped me on my shoulder. I turned and he showed me a small paper bag that he took out of his pocket. He handed it to me, and I gently unwrapped what was inside to find that Louis had bought me a small carved wooden sheep. It was from one of the beautiful nativity sets that had been in the shop. Louis said that he wanted me to have something to remember the day with. I looked into his sweet blue eyes and knew two unequivocal things – there was definitely no way I was ever forgetting that day, and I was in love with Louis Tomlinson.” Harry held up that well loved carved sheep from all those years before.</p>
<p>“Oh Harry, that is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard!” Lola gushed, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “But what about this? The rest of the set here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“that’s the real sweet and romantic part. Years later when we got married, Louis surprised me with a trip to Provence for our honeymoon. Did you know that we got married in December? In fact our wedding anniversary is in just a few days. And then Louis’s birthday is Christmas Eve. We flew into Lyons and then rented a car and drove south. That part of France is so beautiful that time of year. Louis said he had another surprise for me, and he drove us up into the Vaison-La-Romaine hills to return once again to Seguret. Louis found the little nativity shop again and the owner remembered us. We ended up hanging out with Phillipe and his family all evening drinking wine and eating the delicious food that he and his wife prepared for us. We got a room at a little inn that night and the next morning before leaving, Louis bought me the rest of my nativity set. Or I should say another complete one. That’s why there’s two sheep.” Harry held them both up. “It is absolutely one of my favorite memories of all time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It must be equally as important to Louis.” Lola mused. “While you were with the children he told me that he had the set up in your bedroom. It sounds like maybe Louis’s been keeping it as a touchstone or reminder of you, Harry. I know you’ve been apart quite a bit this year what with you in New York filming your tv show. It can’t have been easy for either of you. I admire how strong your marriage is and I know you both must make the time and effort to make it work. Even if that means that you do things that might not make a lot of sense to people, like hold wooden nativity sets dear even when it’s not Christmas or watch favorite movies on a loop that remind you of each other. It’s the little things, Harry.”</p>
<p>Harry smiled and nodded at Lola, standing up and taking the box over to the table under the window to set the nativity scene up and organize the figures. Lola had said that she admired them and the efforts they’d made for their marriage. Harry sighed in resignation; if only she knew the sad truth.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Louis - Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>More than an hour ago Louis had escaped to the barn and what he considered his “office”; really it was just a large desk that had belonged to his grandfather with a desktop computer, two large monitors and an ergonomic office chair. It was chaos inside the house right now because the film crew was there with Lola interviewing Lottie and Anne about Cranberry Lane and what they did to support him and Harry. Lottie and Anne had also been on Instagram and TikTok all day posting and interacting with their “fans”. When the hell had his sister and mother-in-law gotten thousands of followers on social media? It seemed like it wasn’t only his husband who was becoming famous and leaving fuddy-duddy Louis behind. Louis sighed, he supposed he should go back to the house because soon he’d be filming a segment with Lola himself. He was going to show her how he made his cranberry syrup. Harry and Lottie had both told him that sales of Cranberry Lane syrup had quadrupled this holiday season.  Louis liked to hear that, but the mass produced version wasn’t anything close to his homemade original.</p>
<p>When Louis slipped back inside the house through the back door he skirted around the lengths of cords and cables that littered the floors and quietly tried to find someplace to stand where he’d be out of the way but still able to watch the last part of Anne’s interview. Of course the only available place to stand was right next to Harry; Louis reluctantly made his way over. Harry mouthed a silent hello and smiled at Louis. It still surprised Louis how Harry’s smile could still affect him the way it did. When Harry smiled at you it felt like the sun on your face on a breezy summer day. Louis took a deep steadying breath; he could do this. He could stand next to Harry and not touch him. He could totally just focus on Anne’s interview and not take Harry’s hand in his, or squeeze his shoulder, or wrap an arm around Harry’s waist resting his hand on Harry’s hip. And he could definitely simply be motionless and not reach up to brush that lone curl that had fallen across Harry’s forehead. Absolutely. But to help him resist the urge, Louis linked his hands behind his back and tried to focus on what Anne was saying to Lola.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…as the business was expanding and after Harry got his show, there was suddenly a need for me to step in and assist them more than I had before, which was just managing some of their online orders and working an occasional shift in the shop in town.”</p>
<p>“And it wasn’t too much? A lot of people wouldn’t have wanted to jump back into full-time work after being retired for a couple of years.” Lola turned to the camera to say the last part. She really knows how to engage her audience, Louis thought.</p>
<p>“No, it wasn’t too much in the least. My husband passed away a few years ago and truthfully I’ve been bored. I’ve got my daughter and granddaughter living with me but it wasn’t enough to fill up my time. Honestly it’s been a relief to have a purpose again besides “mom and grandma”; I’m grateful that Harry and Louis have trusted me as much as they have.”</p>
<p>Louis was surprised to hear Anne say this. He looked at Harry and saw the same surprise on his face. Gosh, they really had been in their own world focusing only on their problems, hadn’t they?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shortly after Anne finished, the crew set up to film Louis and Lola in the kitchen. Louis felt so strange to be standing in the kitchen wearing one of Harry’s aprons and getting ready to cook for something that would be shown on national television. He was so nervous he was afraid that he was sweating through the makeup they’d put on his face. A few minutes in however, Louis was wondering why he was so worried. Lola had a way of making you forget that a camera and boom mic were in front of you.</p>
<p>“I swear to you Lola, making this syrup is incredibly easy. If I can perfect it then anyone can. The first thing you’ll need is a heavy bottomed saucepan with a lid that you’ll put over medium heat. Add 2 cups of fresh cranberries, 2 cups of sugar and 2 tablespoons of lemon juice in the pot and cover it. This mixture will cook for 15 minutes. You should lift the lid and stir the mixture every few minutes.” Louis paused as he had been instructed so that they could stop filming and reset for the next part.</p>
<p>“You’re doing great, Louis. Your husband really has some competition in his family for who’s more of a natural in front of the camera.” Lola laughed and waved at Harry who gave them a thumbs up in return. Louis wanted to roll his eyes but dared not. Harry really was the most adorable dork. Louis really wished it was harder to stay mad at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the filming resumed Louis showed Lola had to add the cranberry juice and vanilla to the saucepan and to cook for 5 minutes more stirring frequently.</p>
<p>“Louis, this syrup is an absolutely gorgeous red color. Truly perfect for Christmas. Maybe with Christmas morning pancakes?” Lola once again addressed her invisible audience.</p>
<p>“Yep, pancakes or waffles obviously, but Harry taught me that there are a lot of other uses for the syrup.” Louis was astonished his brain had let his mouth say this without a hiccup, as he poured the contents of the saucepan into a cheesecloth lined strainer over a large glass bowl.</p>
<p>“Um, I like it over my oatmeal and in my tea. But you can also pour a little into a glass of sparkling wine or use it in cocktails.” Louis smiled into the camera like he’d been shown.</p>
<p>“Louis what do you do with all of this leftover cranberry mush in the cheesecloth? Shouldn’t we be smashing the cranberries through the strainer to get out what we can?”</p>
<p>“no, we don’t want to do that Lola because it will make the syrup too bitter. We want just a little bit of the cranberries natural bitterness that enhances the sweetness. If it was just me I’d compost the leftover cranberry mush.” Louis giggled, “but I know that Harry says it’s great to use in your batter if you’re making muffins or cake. But you’ll have to have him show you how to do that.” Another smile to the camera and Louis heard someone yell “Cut!”. Thank goodness he was done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry came towards him sporting an enormous smile and before Louis could prepare himself for it, Harry enveloped him in his strong arms and hugged Louis close. Louis placed his face in the crook of Harry’s neck and felt his frame sink into the hug. He’d missed being hugged like this by Harry. Before his body was ready to let go, Harry stepped back but still held his shoulders on either side.</p>
<p>“You did so great! And thanks for remembering about what to use the ‘cranberry mush’ for.” Harry chuckled.</p>
<p>“Uh, thanks. Um, yeah.” Louis was in a daze; intoxicated with Harry-ness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just then Dan burst through the front door with more gaiety and pep than he had since before Louis’s mom Johanna had gotten her cancer diagnosis. “Lou? Louis! We did it! Old man MacGuire accepted our offer. The farm next door is ours!” Dan pulled a startled Louis into a hug. Louis could see over Dan’s shoulder the astonished expression on Harry’s face. Louis could also tell that Harry was angry or perhaps deeply hurt because a red flush was spreading up his neck and across his cheeks and that only happened when Harry was upset, and when Louis locked eyes with Harry’s all he could see were unshed tears and accusation. Louis had fucked up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Harry -lies of omission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d been sitting inside their dark closet on the cedar chest for the past two hours. Harry couldn’t tell you why he’d chosen this place to hide out or exactly what he was doing in here but it was quiet place to think and he felt safe among his and Louis’s clothes. When Harry first learned earlier that Louis, with his stepfather Dan’s help, had evidently bought the Macquire farm next door, he was furious. His fury had simmered down to this confusing mixture of resentment, outrage and hurt. Why hadn’t Louis told him? Louis had clearly not wanted Harry to find out about it the way he did with Dan bursting through the door crowing about it, but had Louis planned on ever telling Harry? And the other part – Louis wanting to sell his half of Cranberry Lane – Harry could barely stomach to think about. He wasn’t even sure that Louis knew that Harry was aware of this information. Harry had overheard Dan talking to Lottie outside of the powder room that he’d escaped to after the initial shock. He’d kept out of sight as much as he could; trying to avoid the production team, Lola and especially Louis. Not that Louis was interested in talking to him about anything. How could he have kept this from him? Harry asked himself for the 50th time. <br/>Lola had finally found him sitting in the cold and dark on the back porch. She must’ve known something was wrong because she had taken both of Harry’s hands and squeezed them comfortingly and thanked him for everything. The segments that they had done and all of the footage that she had would be wonderful for her next few shows. She had finally gotten a room at the resort in Hyannis and would then be returning to New York the following day. Lola promised that she would be in touch with Harry and Louis very soon. Lola had then kissed him on his cheek and wished him a happy anniversary.</p>
<p>Their anniversary. It was tomorrow, December 22. Harry moved to sit on the floor of the closet and closed his eyes. Harry thought back to this very day twelve years before. He and Louis had been young and so in love; they thought nothing could bring them down as long as they had each other. Harry had been 23 and Louis about to turn 24. They were recent college graduates and completely unsure what to do for the rest of their lives. Louis’s grandmother had just offered him the old rundown Victorian era house, long abandoned on their farm property. Louis’s family hadn’t lived on the farm in over 15 years. She figured that even if Louis didn’t want to live in the house or take over the work at the bogs, he could at least take the time to do the needed repairs and fix the house up enough to sell it. <br/>Louis had immediately called Harry to come to the farm to see the house. And Harry had gone, driving down Cranberry lane for the first time in years. And when he saw the house and walked through the empty rooms with Louis, skirting around dusty discarded forgotten furniture and sagging floorboards, he knew that the house and Louis were his destiny. Later that night at Louis’s house after a typical raucous dinner and piling on the couch and pillows on the floor to watch a Christmas movie, Louis had pulled Harry outside had asked for his hand. Louis then produced a piece of silver tinsel that he’d taken off the family tree and he gently tied the tinsel around Harry’s finger. Louis asked Harry to marry him, not right away but some day, and for the rest of their lives.<br/>Harry twisted the platinum ring that now sat on his finger in the same place that that piece of tinsel had. Did he still have it sitting in a jewelry box somewhere? Harry wondered when he’d let go of its importance. </p>
<p>Harry heard the bedroom door open and close, the bedroom became illuminated and then Louis was standing in the closet’s doorway.<br/>“Harry? What are you doing in our closet, in the dark?” He switched the light on and stared down at Harry.</p>
<p>“I…I don’t know. Thinking. Avoiding, I guess.” Harry stood and stretched his back.</p>
<p>“Can we talk?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. Can we?” Harry stomped out of the closet and into the bathroom to brush his teeth and begin getting ready for bed.</p>
<p>“Harry, I’m sorry okay. I know I messed up. I should’ve told you ages ago what I wanted to do. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess partly because I wasn’t sure it was going to happen; old man Macguire really played hardball and for some reason I thought if I told anyone I might jinx it.”</p>
<p>Harry spit toothpaste foam into the sink. “I’m not anyone!! I’m your fucking husband, Louis.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know you are. All I can do is say sorry.” Louis seemed to be asking for forgiveness, but Harry was nowhere close to be able to do that.</p>
<p>“Louis, saying sorry isn’t enough. Don’t tell me that it’s ‘all you can do’ because I need to you to explain to me why you kept such a huge decision from me.” Harry had moved back into the bedroom and removed his jeans and sweater quickly and without concealment. He had a flickering thought about how bashful they’d both been just a few days ago being back in the same space as each other and not wanting to show their bodies. Now Harry unabashedly walked over to the bed in only his briefs and yanked the covers back to get in.</p>
<p>“What do you want me to say?” Louis ran his hands through his hair making it stand on end.</p>
<p>“Anything that will make your behavior make sense, Louis. You want out of Cranberry Lane? You want out of our marriage and our business? The business we started together.” Harry knew that Louis heard the hurt in his voice because he flinched like Harry had slapped him.</p>
<p>“For the first few years, Cranberry Lane was more than just a business to me. It was something that you and I had built together, and it was so great because we seemed to have the same dreams. But I’ve grown to hate it so much, Harry. I know I checked out mentally from the business a long time ago, and yeah it was mostly because of mom and Fizzie dying but it was also because I hated what Cranberry Lane© had become and what it had done to us. I really wanted to go back to just being a regular ol’ cranberry farmer. Not one of the proprietors of one of the biggest online retailers in the country. I feel so removed from it! And that’s my fault, not yours. Y’know, the other day Lola asked me where our distribution warehouse was, and I literally had no idea. New Jersey somewhere? I think? It was embarrassing and I’m sorry that I’m not good at this stuff and that I haven’t been more supportive. Anyway, a few months ago when Jim Macguire said that he was putting his property, the bogs, the house, everything on the market I thought to myself, this is my chance. I can ask Harry to buy me out of Cranberry Lane and with that money I can buy the farm next door and go on with my life. I could let you have yours, Harry.”</p>
<p>“Louis, I’m not mad about you wanting to buy Macguire’s farm or the money. Even without buying you out, I think we have the funds you’d need. I’m upset that I’m clearly no longer part of your plans or your dreams.”</p>
<p>“Well now you know how I’ve felt for the past 2 years!” Louis yelled.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Louis.” Harry turned on his side and turned the lamp off. He was done with this conversation. It was only later, after Louis had been in the bathroom a long time and Harry had heard what he thought was crying, and after Louis had quietly gotten into bed and turned his back to him, that Harry realized that they’d gone to bed together even though they hadn’t needed to because Lola wasn’t there to see. Harry didn’t know how he felt about that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Louis - in vino veritas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis had fucked up. He had really and truly fucked up. And he <em>was</em> fucked up, he chortled derisively to himself as he took another sip of his Bushmill’s whiskey. Louis couldn’t tell you how he’d ended up tonight in this ancient dive bar in Buzzards Bay on his anniversary, on KARAOKE NIGHT of all nights. but here he was, and he had been drinking Irish whiskey for the past hour and a half, so he was well on his way past drunk. Louis tried to make a list in his head of all the reasons why he’d ended up in this mess he’d made. First and foremost, he hadn’t let Harry in when he was at his lowest point, grieving the loss of his mom and sister. He should’ve allowed Harry to comfort him and grieve with him and instead Louis had pushed Harry further and further away until he’d shut him out altogether. Second, he should’ve been honest with Harry years ago that he didn’t want anything to do with the Cranberry Lane business. Louis should have encouraged and supported Harry to go after every ambition he had but Louis should’ve kept himself out of it. Kept to just being a cranberry farmer and amateur carpenter. He wanted to make things right with Harry; even if that meant they split to follow their own paths.</p>
<p>Earlier that day Louis had opened an envelope that Lola had left addressed to him. She’d left a note telling Louis how happy she was to have met him. She also confessed that she’d overheard Louis and Harry talking one evening so she knew that they were struggling to keep their marriage afloat. She wished them the best and told Louis to watch the video on the thumb drive she’d put in the envelope if ever he needed a reminder that he and Harry were good partners and meant to be.</p>
<p>Louis had immediately gone to his computer in the barn and plugged the thumb drive in to watch. It was a clip from one of the segments that he and Harry had filmed together a few days before. Someone off camera had just asked how they kept going, how they balanced the work on the farm with all of the work that running a retailer like Cranberry Lane also required.</p>
<p>Harry had turned and smiled at Louis before answering, “Louis has such love and commitment to this farm that I know it doesn’t feel like ‘work’ to him. Cultivating this land, making things with his hands, is a passion for Louis.” Harry lifted Louis’s hand in his slightly and squeezed it for the camera. “For years I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what my passion was, but I’ve found it in this business and coming up with new ideas for how to take care of people and their needs. I think Louis and I are a great team in this way.”</p>
<p>“You know we had a saying…we <em>have</em> a saying – Harry dreams and I do. And we just try to do what we can in the best way we can to keep making it possible.” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand in return.</p>
<p>Louis found himself shedding silent tears by the end of the clip. He wanted that feeling back with Harry, but he thought it might be too late. He paced around the house and the farm all day going over and over in his head what he wanted to say to Harry to start to repair the damage he’d done, but Harry had been gone all day, in fact he’d already gone by the time Louis woke up, and he was starting to think that maybe Harry wasn’t coming back. That maybe he wasn’t ever going to speak to him again. After all, there was no longer a reason for them to fake being happily married now that Lola was on her way back to New York. But still, it was their anniversary after all, and Louis thought maybe…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When 7pm rolled around and Louis still hadn’t heard or seen Harry he decided to take a drive. Louis had hopped on highway 6 for a couple of minutes before deciding that he would drive to the water and took the exit for Buzzards Bay. There hadn’t been a good place to park and walk along the water, so he’d ended up driving around town in circles for a bit before seeing the sign for Ed’s Tavern, parking and going inside. As soon as he stepped past the threshold he heard this amplified sound that sounded like if the singer Tom Waits had sucked on a helium balloon but was also hearing music for the first time? What was happening? Louis saw the sign near the bar as he got closer – it was karaoke night. He’d come to a random townie dive bar on a Tuesday on karaoke night. For fucks sake. Louis was surprised to find that the person “singing” on stage was in fact a woman in her 50s, not a grizzled Tom Waits/Tiny Tim impersonator. He quickly skirted around the tables set up in front of the stage and took a seat at the far end of the bar. The bartender (was it Ed? He wondered) walked over to take Louis’s order. Louis looked at the selection in the wall of liquor and ordered a diet coke with a Bushmill’s back. His problem was that he had stopped ordering the cokes and kept on drinking the backs. The place started getting quite a crowd for an extremely small town bar; Louis supposed that there wasn’t much to do there so karaoke night was lit. As Louis sat and drank his whiskey and contemplated his broken marriage, a series of locals stepped up on the tiny makeshift stage and (poorly) sang song after song. The dj running things kept on encouraging everyone to take a chance and come up. He said he had a huge selection of Christmas songs, both old and new, and it was this last thing that had Louis getting off of his barstool and stepping over to the table closest to him and asking the elderly couple there if he could borrow their song catalog. Once he paged through and happily found what he was looking for, Louis surprised himself wrote the song number and his name sloppily on the slip of paper that the woman at the table handed him and he brought it up to the karaoke dj, a jovial man wearing a nametag pinned to his polo shirt that read Travis.</p>
<p>Louis sat on the stool set on the stage and felt his drunkenness for the first time that night because he felt dizzy as his butt slid on and he put his feet up on the rungs of the stool. He grabbed the microphone stand in front of him to steady himself as Travis started the track for “Winter Song”.</p>
<p>Louis closed his eyes and started to sing the bum bum bum bum part that begins the song. He found that he had more courage with his eyes closed and because he knew the words to the song he decided to keep them closed and just lose himself in the music. He wasn’t singing this song for the small crowd in the bar anyway; he was singing this for himself. And for Harry.</p>
<p>
  <em>“…they say that things just cannot grow beneath the winter snow,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Or so I have been told. They say we’re very far, just like a distant star, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I simply cannot hold. Is love alive? Is love alive? Is love alive?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is my winter song, December never felt so wrong. ‘cause you’re not where</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>you belong, inside my arms.”</em>
</p>
<p>Louis could hear that the bar had become very quiet. He didn’t know if this was a good or a bad thing, but he definitely didn’t want to open his eyes to find out. Instead he focused on the music and the sound of his own voice. Harry was the one with the real voice in their family, always singing in the kitchen and whenever he was working on a paperwork or cleaning. Louis only occasionally sung in his truck or in his barn workshop when he’d play Spotify from his phone. But he didn’t feel self-conscious about his singing voice tonight. Maybe that had something to do with the alcohol. Or with the fact that he was following some dude named Tim, whose rendition of “Most Beautiful Girl In The World” left something to be desired.</p>
<p>At one point as he sang through the last chorus, pouring all of his emotion into his voice, Louis heard someone gasp. He ignored his brain when he thought it sounded like Harry. His silly drunk brain. When Louis held that last note and the last piano notes on the track played, Louis let his head hang down. The bar around him erupted into loud applause and hoots, at least as loud as a small bar could get with about 20 people inside. Louis finally opened his eyes and then let out an undignified squawk as his eyes landed in shock on Harry standing at the back with Lottie. What the fuck?! In a panic Louis rushed off the stage only to take a wrong step between where the tiled floor met the hardwood and slammed down onto the ground. Before he thought he’d pass out, Louis heard exclamations of concern and a few snorts of laughter. He wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Harry - did I break Louis?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry had let Lottie drag him out of his mother’s house for his anniversary. She’d specifically told him that they were NOT celebrating anything; they were simply going out, having fun and drinking a lot of alcohol. To that end Lottie had “hired” her 18 year old sisters Phoebe and Daphne to be their chauffeurs. Lottie knew that they could snag her sisters to do this with the promise of a future shopping trip to Manhattan with their favorite brother-in-law and the chance to drive Harry’s Mercedes, which they both coveted.</p>
<p>Harry had been coaxed until a good mood when their evening started but now as their group approached their third stop of the night, Harry’s enthusiasm was waning. He should’ve stayed home and tried to figure out what he and Louis were going to do, not about to enter some sketchy looking bar in Buzzards Bay. Lottie had said that this bar’s karaoke night was infamous and that it would be therapeutic for her and Harry to throw back some frilly pink cocktails and sing some Pat Benatar and Stevie Nicks at the top of their lungs. Harry had to admit that this idea did sound pretty great.</p>
<p>When Lottie opened the door to Ed’s Tavern Harry heard this raspy melodic voice singing one of his favorite Christmas songs.</p>
<p>“Ooh Lots, I LOVE THIS SONG.” Harry skipped into the bar until he smacked into Lottie who had come to a sudden halt in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hel…” Harry was lucky that Lottie was so short, otherwise he could’ve done more damage; as it was her skull had just bruised his sternum.</p>
<p>“Harry, LOOK!” Lottie shout-whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry turned his head towards the makeshift stage and saw that the man with the lovely voice singing one of his favorite songs was Louis. HIS Louis. Harry expelled a loud gasp. And then Lottie was grabbing his hand and leading him to the back of the small seating area to stand and gape. Louis had his eyes closed for a moment feeling the music and Harry didn’t think he’d seen them yet. On closer look it appeared that Louis was just singing full stop with his eyes closed; he wasn’t even facing the karaoke screen where the lyrics were displayed. Listening to Louis, all Harry wanted to do was run up to the stage and hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But was Harry really sure about that? He wanted to be sure. By the time that Louis finished singing his last note, Harry was close to tears. Louis was clearly in pain and Harry was partly at fault. He wanted desperately to fix Louis; to fix them both.</p>
<p>When the karaoke track had faded Louis finally lifted his head and opened his eyes, only for them to land on Harry and Lottie and cause him to panic. Louis hopped off the stool and then the stage; Harry’s heart leapt into his throat with fear that Louis would land wrong but as usual, Louis was graceful as a cat. Just as Harry had that thought Louis stumbled a bit, catching the toe of his sneaker on something and then all of a sudden Louis tripped further and face-planted onto the wood parquet floor near the bar.</p>
<p>“Louis!!” Harry and Lottie yelped at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both rushed over to where Louis lay on the ground. The bartender had come around and was kneeling next to Louis just as Harry and Lottie skidded into his prone body on the other side.</p>
<p>“Louis! Louis can you hear me?” Harry cried out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is he in a coma?” Lottie asked in an anguished tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“a coma? No, ‘course not, CHARLOTTE.” Louis chided his sister in a slurred voice. He held up a hand to his hairline and let out a yowl of pain. “Ow, my head!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I call 911?” the bartender asked, his cellphone poised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.”  “NO!” Harry and Louis said over each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Louis, you might have a concussion. You need an ambulance.” Harry reached out to caress Louis’s cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry? My dear soon-to-be-gone husband? You’re here? Did someone call you?” Louis groggily tried to sit up and then gave up and laid back down. Harry realized that Louis was very drunk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um, why don’t you let Lottie and me take you to the ER, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry, did you see me trip? I swear I don’t know how it happened. I’m usually very light on my feesh, *<em>blurghp*</em> feet. You my love are the clumsy one.” Louis let out a drunken giggle and reached out a finger to poke at Harry’s cheek right where a dimple would be if he was smiling. It was as if Louis was trying to turn on the dimple or something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, everyone saw you fall Louis. That’s why we’re so worried. It really looked like you hurt yourself.” Harry gulped when he noticed a slightly wet spot in Louis’s hair near his forehead. Was that blood? Was it just sweat? Harry was beginning to feel frantic with worry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey mister”, Louis pulled on the bartender’s sleeve, “did you know it’s our wedding anniversary today? Yep, sure is. Probably the last one we’ll have though, and that makes me sad.” Louis slurred.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t tell if he’s slurring his words because he has a head injury or because he’s intoxicated.” Lottie shook her head in annoyance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you guys got it from here? I got customers to tab out and help.” The bartender stood and left Harry and Lottie still crouched next to Louis who was trying to sit up again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here Lots, help me stand Louis up and we’ll get him in the car and go to the ER in Bourne.” Harry stepped around and put his arms around and under Louis’s and hauled him to his feet. They half carried, half dragged Louis out of the bar and out to the parking lot where Phoebe and Daphne were sitting on the hood of Harry’s car both taking selfies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Girls quick, open the back door!” Harry cried out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“omigod is that Louis?!” Daphne cackled.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Phoebe joined her twin in laughter.</p>
<p>“Your brother tripped and fell and hurt his head. We need to go to the emergency room.” Harry hoped his voice was stern enough to chastise the girls into moving quickly. It worked; Daphne slid off the hood and opened the door to the back seat while Phoebe hopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. By the time Harry got in the car with Louis lying on top of him and across Lottie’s legs, Phoebe had directions to the closest ER on her phone and was heading there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later Harry was sitting in a chair next to Louis’s hospital gurney in a curtained off cubical in the ER at Falmouth Hospital. Louis had been checked out by a Physician’s Assistant they’d determined that Louis had suffered a mild concussion and had a small contusion along his hairline just above his right eye. Louis had been given an IV of fluids for his intoxication and some painkillers that had knocked him out. The PA had informed Harry that Louis wouldn’t need to be admitted, but for now they wanted him kept in observation. It was best for Louis to rest for a bit and when he woke they’d reevaluate releasing him.</p>
<p>Lottie had gone with the girls back to the bar because they’d realized that they’d left Louis’s coat with his wallet and keys there and his truck. Lottie would be driving back to the ER in that to pick them up.</p>
<p>Harry had been holding Louis’s hand the entire time; he had since he’d been in the backseat of his own car, holding Louis close and pressing kisses into the top of his head. And while Harry had sat in that emergency room and held his husband’s hand he’d made some decisions. He was going to make some huge changes in the coming weeks and months. Harry was going to scale back and he was going to refocus on some very important things that he’d lost sight of. <em>He</em> was going to be the one to make the sacrifices, <em>he</em> would be the one to compromise; not Louis. Harry needed to formulate his plan more and he definitely needed to talk to his mother, but he felt better about things then he had in a long time. Even though Louis hadn’t seriously injured himself and would at worst have a terrible headache and hangover the next day, tonight had been enough to shake Harry and make him realize that Louis was the only thing that mattered. Without Louis, Cranberry Lane® wasn’t worth squat to Harry.</p>
<p>Lottie pulled back the curtain quietly. “How is he?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’ll be okay. They gave him some pain medicine with a sedative to help him sleep. We’re just supposed to wait here until he wakes up in a bit and then I guess they’ll send us home. Thanks for waiting with me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh Harry, of course I’m waiting with you. He’s my brother. You’re my brother too.” Lottie squeezed Harry’s shoulder and then sat down in another chair that she pulled next to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve only told my mom this but, the network finally called. They offered me a second season of my cooking show.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry that’s fantastic!” Lottie excitedly scream whispered. “Wait, isn’t it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not going to do it. I’m going to turn down their offer, which I know sounds crazy, but I don’t want to further damage my relationship with Louis and with all of you. Filming the show in New York and being separated from my family was so hard, Lots. On Louis, me, everything. I couldn’t handle that again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get it, Harry. But god, turning down having another season of YOUR OWN TV SHOW, it’s a lot Harry. What will this mean for Cranberry Lane?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know, Lottie. And I actually don’t care? If not having a television show means that the business fails, then it fails. If it means that I just go back to being the owner of a small specialty food and home goods store in Wareham Massachusetts, then that’s what I’ll be. I was happy being that guy all those years ago, and I can be happy again. And I know that means no more designer clothes and shoes; it might mean that we have to sell the Manhattan apartment, but at least we’ll sell it at a profit because of the work Lou and Dan put into it. I’ve thought about all of this a ton over the past few weeks. I want my old life back, and if I can’t have that I at least want a version of that old life. Does that make sense?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It does, Harry.” Lottie pulled her chair closer and rested her head on Harry’s shoulder. “Have I told you lately that you’re the best brother-in-law?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m you’re only brother-in-law, so I don’t know if that’s really saying anything, but I’ll take the compliment. You’re a pretty kick-ass sister-in-law yourself. Harry turned his head slightly and kissed Lottie on her forehead. He felt better, lighter, braver, than he had in a very long time.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Louis - Gifts and Returns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>These two crazy kids just might make it after all.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, we did it. We got to the end. I want to thank all of you who kept with me on this wacky undertaking and journey with this fic. I had been looking for a new daily mindfulness practice and the idea to do an Advent practice of writing and posting a chapter a day came to me over Thanksgiving.<br/>I didn't have a fully outlined plan and I didn't know if it would work, but I wanted to try. <br/>I will be posting an epilogue for Christmas Day...at least that's my plan, as long as I don't drink too much eggnog. I also plan on going back through and correcting all of the typos and grammar mistakes that are riddled throughout this thing. I didn't have anyone really beta this until the very end. Oops.</p>
<p>Thanks again for reading and for all of the lovely comments and encouragement. I couldn't have done it without all of you helping me along. <br/>Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate! xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Louis woke up in his own warm bed on December 23 he felt more rested than he had in ages. Sunlight flooded the room and he was just beginning to wonder how he had overslept when the shenanigans from the night before all came crashing back into his brain. Louis rolled over onto his stomach and screamed into his pillow. He’d gotten spectacularly drunk at some random bar among strangers, had SUNG KARAOKE witnessed by both HARRY AND LOTTIE, and then had taken a dive? off of the stage? And now had a huge goose egg on his noggin if this painful bump that he was now prodding with his fingers was anything to go by. UGH, what a mess. He was a mess. Louis then recalled being in the ER in Falmouth and the conversation he’d overheard. Harry had been offered another season of his show but had decided not to take it. And Louis was damn sure that he wasn’t going to let Harry do that. Harry thought that he was giving up all of these things for Louis, but Louis was quite sure that Harry would end up hating him and hating himself if he let these opportunities pass him by. Louis reached for his phone and texted Anne asking her to come to the house. Maybe his mother-in-law could help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Anne got there Louis was just finishing making a pot of cinnamon tea for them. She let herself in and came straight into the kitchen removing her scarf and gloves with a reproachful look on her face.</p>
<p>“How’s my stage diving son-in-law?”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t stage diving! I got off the stage just fine! It was the regular walking that I had problems with. I must be picking up clumsiness from your uncoordinated son.” Louis smiled bashfully and handed Anne a cup of the hot tea.</p>
<p>“So, why am I here? Have you finally decided to make up with your husband? Because Louis, it’s time you and Harry actually talked to each other. About EVERYTHING. You’re both keeping things back from the other that are major decisions that can and will effect your lives together. I know you two have been joined at the hip and basically one person for the past 25 years, but you’re not mind readers. Communication is the key to marriage! Do the work. You’re both worth it. Don’t you agree?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do Anne. And you’re right, we both have been keeping secrets. I know about the offer Harry got for season two of the show. And there’s no chance in hell that I’m going to let him give that up for me.</p>
<p>“But shouldn’t that be decision that you and Harry make together?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure. But Harry’s making it on his own and he’s throwing away a chance that I know he’ll regret.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anne took a sip of her tea and then set the mug down. “I think you need to let Harry decide what he will and won’t regret. Call him, Louis. It should’ve been Harry that you texted this morning, not me. Although I was happy to come over and talk some sense into you. And before you say anything else, I’ve already had this same conversation with Harry. Just because he’s my son doesn’t mean I can’t see that he’s been just as boneheaded as you. Now, I’m off. I need to drive into Hyannis and go to my favorite wine store to buy some bottles for Christmas and New Year’s. Don’t wait too long to call Harry. Call him right now, why don’t you?” Anne slid her leather gloves back on and tied her scarf around her neck. Then she came around the island and kissed Louis on his cheek. “Everything that’s broken can be fixed, Louis. I’m sure about this. And happy early birthday.” She kissed his cheek again and walked out, shutting the door softly.</p>
<p>Louis took a deep breath and another sip of his tea then pulled his phone out of his pocket. He sent a simple text that said – <strong>meet me at the Macguire house at noon</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis heard the sound of Harry’s boots coming up the porch stairs and opened the front door to meet him.</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, are you feeling okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am. It only hurts if I press on the bump on my head, so I just try not to do that.” Louis smiled ruefully. “come on in.”</p>
<p>Harry stepped into the house and began to look around. There was a lot of carpet which he wrinkled his nose at, but the rooms were large and had lovely crown molding throughout.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you want to pull up this carpet immediately and burn it in a dumpster.” Louis chuckled softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I DO. You know me so well. It’s hideous.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“heh. Well at least it doesn’t smell, and I’ve checked, there are beautiful hardwoods under there that this hideous carpet has protected. We’re in good shape there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you going to do with the place eventually? Fix it up and sell it? Uhhh… live here?” Harry turned his head away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was actually hoping you’d help me figure out what to do with it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me? Why? It’s your property, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And the Cranberry Lane house was also ‘my property’ too, but you know I never considered it that. It was always ‘ours’ and this house is ours as well.” Louis looked sincerely into Harry’s eyes. “Harry, what happened to us? Where and when did it go wrong? I’ve been trying to figure it out. Mom died, then Felicite and all of a sudden you were gone too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wasn’t, Louis. I was right there. But you wouldn’t let me in. You locked me out of your heart.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You WERE my heart. You were practically all that was left of my heart. You’re all that’s left of it still.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Lou.” Harry covered his face with his hands. “We were both grieving, but in different ways and I think we both felt lost. You threw yourself into the work on the farm and I threw myself into the marketing and promotion side of the company in order to occupy myself. And it just ended up occupying too much of my life. I lost my way. Maybe we both did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Harry, I know about you getting the show renewal offer. I overheard you telling Lottie last night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou I didn’t tell you because I was never going to do it. It’s time for me to focus on us and sacrifice for you, just like you’ve done for me all these years.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Harry, you want the show! I know you loved doing that show. I don’t want you to end up resenting me if you turn it down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t resent my decision or you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think you will!” Louis had stepped closer to make his point and was practically yelling a few inches from Harry’s face. He realized what he’d done and stepped back, a little embarrassed at his behavior. “I don’t want you to sacrifice for me and give up your big dream. Don’t give up your dreams for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But instead you want me to give YOU up? Louis, you are my big dream. Our marriage and growing old and happy with you is all I’ve dreamed about since I was 17. Can’t we share this dream? Can’t we work together on this dream?” Harry reached out for Louis’s hand and he gladly gave it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m scared, Harry. I do share the dream of growing old and happy with you. I want it all – kids, pets, a warm and lovely home. Only I can’t see that happening in New York City. I want this dream to happen here, in Wareham.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I really want that too. I swear I do. I want to be that small town boy again who was just content to have a roof over his head, food in the pantry and you by my side.” Harry lifted Louis’s other hand and kissed it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis’s smile was so big that his eyes closed to slits. Could this really be true? He had his Harry back? “Oh Harry.” Louis wrapped his arms around Harry and felt Harry’s arms wrap around him in return. They stood embracing for a long time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay my love, let’s walk through this house while you tell me all of the plans you have for it.” Louis wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist and led him towards the back of the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“well first obviously, every scrap of carpet goes. Then we should start with the kitchen. I think we should like make this entire half of the house one gigantic kitchen. We have the money we didn’t back when we did our home. This kitchen can have the best of EVERYTHING.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yeah? And what happens when you create this dream kitchen here? You’re going to want to move in here.” Louis teased.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wellllll… maybe. But we can figure that out later.” Harry happily clapped his hands. “Ooh now let’s go upstairs! I want to see what we have to work with up there…” Harry’s excited voice trailed off as he took the stairs leading up to the second level two at a time. Louis paused and smiled at the bottom of the staircase.</p>
<p>They were back. He and Harry were back! Louis was positive they wouldn’t lose their way again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. EPILOGUE - Waving to the hard times...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Almost two years later and a lot happier and smarter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your patience for this last little follow-up chapter. It was a pleasure sharing these completely fictional characters with you. I appreciate every single person who read, bookmarked, commented, and offered suggestions for this story. I could not and would not have been able to keep writing and posting this tale without the support I felt from you.<br/>I hope that these characters felt just as real to you as they did for me. Keep your heads up and keep thriving. Thank you. xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“…and hold for music and credits…That’s a wrap on the Valentine’s day episode and season one, good job everybody!” Tom, the director of Life on Cranberry Lane declared to the room filled with the camera operators, sound engineers and production assistants and the two stars of the new hit food and lifestyle show on Lola Humphries’s brand new cable network.</p><p> </p><p>Harry turned to Louis who was sitting with his legs crossed up on the marble counter next to where Harry had been doing a demonstration on using woks. They’d just finished filming the last episode for the year for their slow growing hit television show. This segment, where Louis sat on the counter and watched Harry cooking while asking questions and teasing him, had grown organically out of a real incident that had occurred early on in the production for the show when Harry had offered to cook lunch for the crew while they were on a break and Louis had teased him that he wasn’t making the grilled cheese sandwiches correctly. One of the cameramen had started filming them on his phone as a joke. Later a producer put the clip up on the show’s Instagram page and it had ended up getting hundreds of thousands of views in only a few days. Lola Humphries, who ran the network that produced their show, had called and informed Harry and Louis that she wanted that type of banter and realness incorporated into the show on a regular basis. Contrary to what Louis and Harry had feared, that making their interaction a “bit” would make things seem jokey and fake, their natural chemistry and love for each other shined through every time they were on screen together. Nothing ever seemed forced or overly produced; their growing audience loved it.</p><p>It had been Harry’s mom Anne’s idea for Harry and Louis to pitch a show together to the network that had originally produced Harry’s old Cranberry Lane cooking show. That network had passed on it, but Lola Humphries hadn’t. Lola had used her own growing fame to leave her longtime network and build her own, and it turned out she was looking for talent and content. Harry was one of the first people whom Lola had reached out to and when and Louis had shared what they wanted to do with her, she immediately understood and liked the concept enough to give them a greenlight and almost complete freedom and control to build what they wanted. Her gamble with them had paid off. Louis and Harry’s <em>Home at Cranberry Lane</em> had started with a few thousand loyal viewers and had just grown steadily from there. The show was part cooking show, part home improvement/design, part history learning mashup that worked well and appealed to a diverse audience. One could learn how to make flaky buttery biscuits, repair a tear in leather upholstery, and about the 17<sup>th</sup> century pilgrims who established the Plymouth colony, all in one episode. It was hugely appealing.</p><p> </p><p>If Harry had taken to the role of television personality easily and well, Louis had himself even more of a natural on camera. Louis had also surprised himself by enjoying himself and the way television production worked. And the best part about it all was that the two of them were doing it TOGETHER. The show filmed 4 months out of the year from August to the last week in November in the large house on the old Macguire farm that Louis had bought. It had only taken them a handful of months to renovate the house that was just slightly smaller than their own Victorian property. Harry’s original idea had been to remodel the first floor and remake the entire space on that level into one huge kitchen that could be used for demonstrations and the cooking classes that Harry had envisioned he’d be teaching. They’d kept two of the bedrooms as places to stay for out of town guests, but the third and largest they’d turned into an office and the new headquarters for the paired down version of Cranberry Lane that Harry and Louis had created. After Harry and Louis had repaired their marriage and decided what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives, they quickly understood that the Cranberry Lane© brand had grown too big and too popular to simply cease to exist, so they had to rethink their plans. Should they shut the whole thing down, putting several hundred people out of a job? Louis and Harry couldn’t stomach doing that. Once again it was Anne who came to their rescue. She approached Harry with a proposition – she would step in as Chief Operations Officer and the main director in charge of the online retail arm of Cranberry Lane. Anne had been bored in her retirement for a while and after his husband had passed she was feeling restless and a little lonely living in Wareham, even though her daughter and granddaughter had moved in with her. Most of her happiest moments in the past couple of years had been when she’d gone to visit Harry in Manhattan. She loved the city and all of the crazy energy it came with and she made friends in New York. Anne taking over the business and moving into the Manhattan apartment was a huge relief to Harry and Louis. Once this handover had happened and they’d made the decision to give Lottie the full management and control of the Wareham store, Louis and Harry had the capacity to fully focus on rehabilitating the new farm property. They had turned their newly acquired cranberry farm into a location for tours for both schools and the general public. Louis had also cemented a deal with the University of Massachusetts to let them use the cranberry bogs on the new farm as a field lab for their agriculture and horticulture departments. Harry and Louis had settled into a contented and blissful routine and looked forward to starting a family and being farmers and education facilitators. And then Anne had put the idea out there about a tv show that they could do together filmed at the farm. And even after they’d gotten the first network’s rejection, Louis and Harry hadn’t been discouraged and they hadn’t let it affect their relationship. They felt strong and capable of weathering any storm. Lola stepping in and offering them a shot but just the delicious frosting on an already well made cake.</p><p>Harry now looked into his husband’s bright eyes and smiling face and thought that his heart might leap out of his chest because it was filled with so much happiness and love. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he was this content. Maybe he’d never felt this much joy.</p><p>“So, filming is over for the year my love. You ready to jump right in with holiday season and festival preparations?” Louis hopped down from the counter and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been thinking about that actually”, Harry started and then stopped before Louis’s raised eyebrow and ready smile encourage him to continue on, “I think the Wareham Christmas festival can survive without our involvement this year. The mayor’s new head of development is in charge this time around and Lottie completely has the Cranberry Lane vendor stuff handled. What if you and I went away this year? I know how important celebrating your birthday and Christmas with you is to your family, so we can be back by Christmas Eve.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh and where would we go, husband of mine?” Louis gently squeezed Harry’s hips and waited to hear Harry’s idea.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to go somewhere sunny and warm. I was thinking Puerto Rico or maybe Jamaica?”</p><p> </p><p>“I love this idea, Harry. I’ll go pack a bag right now; just throw in a few swim trunks and t-shirts.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re excited? Really? I thought you’d put up more of a fight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? When my gorgeous and smart husband suggests we go on a vacation to a tropical paradise, I’d be a fool to refuse.” Louis lifted up on his toes and placed a kiss at Harry’s temple. “Seriously H, book the tickets and plan out the trip. I’ll make sure that Dan has all of the resources he needs to take care of the farm while we’re gone. How long are you thinking? A month? 5 weeks?” Louis wiggled his eyebrows up and down.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, I wish. But we don’t have the room in our schedules or the money to be gone that long. I was thinking a full two weeks somewhere; we can rent a house right on some beach somewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“It sounds blissful, love. Let’s look online tonight at possible places and book something right away.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love that idea. And I love you. You know how happy you make me, don’t you Louis?”</p><p> </p><p>“If it’s anything close to the way you make ME happy, then it’s a whole hell of a lot.” Louis responded pulling Harry towards the front door so they could make their way to their home.</p><p>Harry laughed and swung their held hands happily. “Hey Lou, wherever we go maybe we can find a bar to sing some karaoke at hmmm?” Harry teased.</p><p>“Oh no, I’m never going to embarrass myself like that again.”</p><p> </p><p>“aww come on, not even if we sing a duet?” Harry turned the full effect of his dimples on his husband.</p><p>“Those dimples will be the death of me I swear. I suppose if we sang a song together it wouldn’t be that bad. I wouldn’t feel scared.” Louis acknowledged.</p><p>“We can handle anything together. We’re the dream team, Lou. Now, first one to our porch has to do all of the laundry for the next 2 months!” Harry cackled and took off running down the road that led to their farm.</p><p> </p><p>Louis shook his head in mirth and started his sprint to catch up. Even though Harry was the one who took daily runs, Louis was quick and sprite. But even if he lost this race Louis didn’t care as long as he never lost Harry again.</p><p> </p><p>The End</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>